Logan: You’re acting like a child Roman.
Roman: I’M NOT ACTING!
Roman, out of nowhere: THE FLOOR IS HATING VIRGIL!
Patton: *Latches onto ceiling*
Virgil: *Drops to the ground*
Everyone else simultaneously: VIRGIL NO!
Roman: You kicked me in your sleep.
Virgil: Who said I was asleep.
*Skipping stones on a lake*
Roman: What a beautiful evening
Virgil: *Whispers* Take that you fricking lake.
Logan: I am, as the kids say, awake.
Virgil: Don't you mean woke?
Logan: Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.
Janus: *Recording videos with everyone* I have no intention of being friends.
Janus: *Playing video games with everyone* You're all just stepping stones to my success.
Janus: *Baking a cake for Patton's birthday* Friends are a distraction.
Janus: *In a group hug* Disgusting.
Virgil: Calling someone a nerd is either my greatest insult or my greatest form of endearment.
Logan: Wait, but you call me a nerd all the time.
Logan: Which one do you mean then?
Virgil: Find out yourself, nerd.
Logan: WHICH ONE-
Thomas: It's going to be a great day today!
Virgil: It's like you don't even care about what happened in third grade anymore.
Patton: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Virgil: I don't know, why?
Patton: To get to their best friend's house.
Patton: Knock knock.
Virgil: Who's there?
Patton: The chicken.
Roman: I just want to have one normal day.
Remus: *Busts into the room*
Remus: Oh good, you're home. Listen, you've got to help me bury a body.
Logan: *Sees Virgil and Roman together*
Logan: They’re cute. I would put them on a boat.
Patton: You mean. . . you ship them?
Logan: Hey Virgil, want to third wheel on my date with Remus tomorrow?
Logan: Roman! Want to third wheel on my date with Remus tomorrow?
Logan: Great! I’ve always wanted to go on a double date!
Remus: Logan. . .
Logan: Why are your tongues purple?
Roman: We had slushies. I had a blue one.
Virgil: I had a red one.
Patton: You drank each other's slushies?
Roman: Virgil! I can't do this stupid math!
Virgil: What's the math problem?
Roman: Well, we have to add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and hope we don't multiply.
Logan, covering Patton's ears while Virgil smacks Roman upside the head: Not going to lie, that was smooth.
Roman: Virgil? What is a ship?
Virgil: It's a big boat, like the Titanic.
Roman: But why would people want us to be a boat?
Logan: *Laughing in the corner*Roman: People say they ship us. I was wondering what that means.
Logan: *Falls on the floor laughing*
Virgil: LOGAN THIS ISN'T FUNNY!
Roman: Are you mad?
Roman: So sharpening knives at 2 a.m. is just a hobby?
*Virgil stuck on top of the fridge*
Roman: You need some help?
Virgil: I am comfortable where I lay.
Roman: Honestly, that's kinda cute.
Virgil: I will devour your soul.
Roman: You can't really do that up there can you?
Virgil: You will never sleep peacefully again.
*Patton walks in*
Roman: *Points to Virgil giving him a death glare* Patton look look isn't that so cute?
Virgil: I am the spawn of all things evil and wretched, I will make sure you never again turn your eyes upon the light of the sun for the rest of eternity.
Roman: How do I get revenge on those who have wronged me?
Patton: The best revenge is forgiveness.
Roman: Logan, how do I get revenge-
Virgil: Tie them up in your basement and only feed them bread and water until they are begging for death but never give it to them.
Roman: REMUS! I'M SORRY!
Patton: *Runs toward Janus to hug him*
Janus: *Moves out of the way*
Patton: Janus! Why'd you move?!
Janus: I thought you were attacking me.
Patton: I was trying to hug you!
Janus: Why would you hug me?
Patton: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?
Remy: Do you want to hang out with us at McDonalds?Virgil: My heart says yes but my anxiety says no.
Remy: All I heard was yes. LET’S GO IN THE BALL PIT!
Virgil: REMY MY ANXIETY SAYS NO!
Remy: LISTEN TO YOUR HEART!
Remy: B A L L P I T!
Remus: I’m going to Taco Bell. You want anything?
Janus: I want Virgil to come back.
Remus: I only have 12 dollars.
Virgil: Pros and cons of dating me:
Virgil: Pros: You’ll be the cute one.
Virgil: Cons: Holy crap, where do I begin?
Roman: There’s no way he likes me back.
Janus: Virgil would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.
Roman: Virgil would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.
Logan, trying to impress Janus: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.
Virgil: He turned it off and back on again.
Roman: Why do you have such an angry face?
Virgil: I started thinking about how horrible that ex-boyfriend of yours is.
Roman: You’re my ex.
Virgil: Did I stutter?
Patton: The cake needs a little something extra.
Remus: So you wanted to make it explode?
Roman: Hey, is that poison ivy?
Logan: Where are we?
Roman: Um, California?
Logan: We don’t have poison ivy in California.
Roman: Then what is THAT?
Logan: Poison oak. Big difference.
Roman: It’s not different at all is it?
Patton: Look, it’s a doll!
Virgil: Don’t touch that, it’s probably possessed.
Roman: I steal hearts, not souls.
Virgil: It’s okay if you want to do both.
Logan, talking about Virgil: Where is your roommate?
Roman: Why are you saying roommate like he’s not that?
Logan: Because you’ve been living together for twenty years and we all know that no one sleeps in the second bedroom.
Virgil: How many times have I told you not to list me as your emergency contact?
Janus: Wine is my favorite way to eat grapes.
Roman: How’s the meeting?
Virgil: I want to stab everyone.
Roman: Don’t get blood on your suit. We have dinner reservations at seven.
Virgil: I love you for enabling me.
Roman: Love you too.
Logan: I’m not buying you a knife for your birthday.
Remus: But it’s pretty!
Roman: I want to go on a shopping trip where I’m the only one in the mall and everything I want is free.
Logan: That’s called night robbery.
Janus: Then so be it.
Logan, looking around: You know what? I quit!
Thomas: You can’t just quit, you’re my logical side!
Logan: Oh yeah?
Logan: *Takes off his tie and throws it on the ground* I quit!
Thomas: Oh my god, he just quit. . .
Virgil: I guess being pretty is tiring.
Roman: *Tilts head to look at Virgil* You must be exhausted then.
Virgil: *Attempts to hide oncoming blush*
Virgil: I can’t take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Roman: In a dating type of way or an assassination type of way?
Virgil: I don’t know, surprise me!
*At a zoo*
Remus: I wonder what they’re in for.
Logan: This isn’t a prison.
Remus: So they can leave?
Logan: No, but-
Remus, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.
Roman: This bloodline ends with me.
Janus: That is the fanciest way I have ever heard someone say “I’m gay.”
Logan: Thank you for not saying “I told you so.”
Roman: When you’re as right as me, you don’t have to say it.
Virgil’s evil clone: *Points at the real Virgil* Shoot him! I’m the real Virgil!
Roman: *Aims at clone* The real Virgil would never pass up an opportunity to die.
Virgil: The stars are beautiful tonight.
Roman: Yeah. . .
Virgil: You know what else is beautiful?
Roman, blushing: What?
Vigil: The knowledge that one day we will finally get to embrace death.
Virgil: I can’t wait.
Janus: Why do you always sit with your snacks?
Patton: I like to be with my friends.
Janus: Do you always sleep with your friends?Patton, with his snacks next to him on the bed: It’s complicated!