[Thomas]: Uh, hey, uh- this is Thomas, and, uh—this is usually where I start off, uh- by saying something quick and witty to begin the video. Yeah.
*intro*
[Thomas]: So yeah! Another video. This is awesome! Oh wait, actually, I usually start off this video by saying “What is up, everybody?!” But you know, I don’t actually hear your responses. And, strangely enough, I’m not concerned about consistency today. You know what I wanna talk about? Eatin’ food. Or you know what, actually? Maybe about that TV show I just watched. Or maybe I should just watch another TV show and eat some food. That’s it. Alright, until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and non-binary pals—
[Logan]: -pops up- Uh, if I may, I'm going to step in for a second.
[Thomas]: Ahh, Logan’s here, so I probably did something wrong.
[Logan]: What? No. You just seem to be a little... uncharacteristically... careless.
[Thomas]: Hm, I hadn’t cared to notice. Ah- pfft, that’s it, there it is, that’s what you were saying.
[Logan]: Yes... I mean you tend to start the video with at least some sort of direction before the inevitable internal conflict.
[Thomas]: They do usually follow that story arc. But, maybe, that’s a good thing. You know, like, changing it up.
[Logan]: No. I mean... maybe. I don't know, you're confusing me. -searches through flashcards- I think I have a vocab word for this. Uh... -pulls out one that says, "You good, fam?"- You good, fahm?
[Thomas]: Wow. That was bad, but like, you’re a really good try-er, Logan. You’re really good.
[Logan]: Thanks.
[Thomas]: ...If anybody, like, texted me... Ooh!
[Logan]: Thomas, you didn't answer the question.
[Thomas]: Your question about whether or not I’m good, fam?
[Logan]: That's the one.
[Thomas]: You’d probably know if something is up because you usually provide, you know... the explanatory exposition in my videos because all the other characters are too zany or relatable.
[Logan]: Okay, I'm at a loss here. Should we check on the others?
[Thomas]: If you want.
[Logan]: I do. I do want... that. Are you going to—
[Thomas]: Morality!
[Patton]: -pops up-
[Thomas]: Creativity!
[Roman]: -pops up- Wow. Rude.
[Patton]: You too cool to call us by our names, kiddo?
[Thomas]: Nah, that was just the easiest way to, you know... quickly establish what you guys generally represent, in case there are any new viewers watching.
[Logan]: Jeez. Okay, uh… Consider taking a more nuanced approach with that explanation next time.
[Thomas]: He’s my logical side. He’s my logical side.
[Roman]: Uh... Is everything Gucci, Thomas?
[Logan]: I suppose I could've posed the question that way as well, but that is precisely why I wanted you two here.
[Patton]: You mean us three?
[Logan]: Oh, did I say three?
[Patton]: No.
[Logan]: Then I guess I didn't mean three.
[Patton]: He’s made mistakes before.
[Logan]: An uncommon occurrence.
[Patton]: Well then you might say the amount of mistakes you’ve made is... infinitesimal?
[Logan]: You make ONE MISTAKE, and THIS is what happens!
[Roman]: Okay, time out for thee and time out for thee, focus on issues or focus on me.
[Logan]: Ergh. Okay, you're right. Let's get down to business.
[Thomas]: ♪ To defeat... ♪
[Roman & Thomas]: ♪ The Huns! ♪
[Logan]: Please stop. Stop, please.
[Thomas]: Come on!
[Roman]: I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
[Thomas]: Mulan!
[Logan]: Thomas, this aloofness that you are displaying is highly... unproductive.
[Thomas]: You mean I can’t make babies? What? Just kidding. Uh...
[Logan]: Can someone else please- some whe- le- Flames. On the side of my face. See-Seething... Seething fire.
[Patton]: Is something bothering you, buddy?
[Roman]: An unattainable dream? A hopeless romance?
[Logan]: Lack of sleep, a- a puzzling situation.
[Patton]: Having trouble with adultery?
[Thomas]: Oh yeah, you always say that instead of "becoming an adult" or "adulthood". As if you didn’t know the troubling definition of the word you’re using, which actually means, you know... when a—
[Roman]: Wait! Pumbaa, not in front of the kids.
[Patton]: Well, I don’t know what you two are talking about, but something definitely seems to be off.
[Thomas]: You keep saying that, but honestly, I’m good... fam.
[Patton]: Now, don’t you go shortening the word family by cutting out my three favorite letters: I L Y.
[Logan]: Okay, well, Patton definitely seems to be doing okay. How 'bout you, Roman?
[Roman]: Let’s see, uh... Disney references, regal appearance, general awareness that I’m better than you two... Uhh, I’m feeling pretty good.
[Logan]: Then what could be wrong here?
[Patton]: Boy, you both always act like you know all the answers, so, it’s surprising that you keep overlooking something so simple.
[Roman]: Oh, is that so, Patton? He's so cute.
[Logan]: And, uh- what might that be?
[Patton]: Where is Anxiety?
[Logan]: Hmm, do you honestly think it's necessary to have him here?
[Roman]: To offer his mopey, dopey input? I-I don’t like him.
[Thomas]: I’m still hungry.
[Logan]: No, no.
[Roman]: S-Stop him. Stop him!
[Thomas]: ♪ Da da da dow! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo! ♪
[Logan]: Thomas, this is highly... -sighs- We can't afford these detours... anymore.
[Thomas]: Ooh! I found some granola!
[Roman]: We’re try- we’re doing a- we’re doing a vid here, buddy.
[Logan]: Alright. Well, at least it's something healthy.
[Roman]: Thomas, isn’t there a more important thing that you should be focusing on right now? Oh, you’re just getting it all over the carpet, aren’t ya? Alright, well...
[Logan]: Wh-What if you have guests over?
[Thomas]: That wouldn’t happen for a while so it’s not really a big deal.
[Patton]: Well, he’s definitely inviting some ants over. -chuckles-
[Logan]: Just aunts? No uncles?
[Roman]: Can you at least… Can you take off the hoodie? Like, you look like a hot mess. Nay, not hot, cool. Nay, not cool, uncool. An uncool mess.
[Thomas]: If you want me to. -takes of hood revealing very messy untamed hair-
[Roman]: Oh, dear, sweet MOTHER of hairbrushes! What is your HAIR?!
[Thomas]: I’m just letting it do its thing.
[Roman]: There’s a lot of viewers that are going to see you like this, so…
[Thomas]: Eh, they’ve seen me on better days, so it evens out.
[Logan]: You know, Thomas, I don't know if that makes sense.
[Patton]: You have kind hair.
[Thomas]: Oh, thanks I guess.
[Patton]: Kinda hair that grows on a dog’s butt! -laughs-
[Thomas]: That’s probably an accurate comparison.
[Roman]: Ugh, just put your hood back on.
[Thomas]: -snaps his fingers- You’re the boss, Hoss.
[Roman]: What does that even mean? I’m not Hoss. I’m Prince Roman. Ugh, okay. Well, better bring in Count Woe-laf. Any input is better than what Mr. T is contributing.
[Thomas]: Roman brought the clever nicknames to the table, I brought the oats and honey clusters to the table.
[Roman]: Put them down!
[Thomas]: Okay.
[Logan]: Fine. Let's get him in here. Anxiety?
*But nothing happened*
[Logan]: Hm. That's odd.
[Roman]: He’s probably listening to that PG-13 music again. Anxiety!
*Again, nothing happened*
[Roman]: Ugh. -trying to summon Anxiety- How dare he? What?
[Patton]: Now, now, try to be a little more loving. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Anxiety! Come on up here, kiddo.
*Still nothing*
[Patton]: Come on up here so everyone can see that cool makeup!
*Nada*
[Patton]: Welp, love has failed me.
[Thomas]: Ho-ho-ho-ho! That can be applied to many instances in my life. The first being—
[Roman]: Steady now, Thomas. Are we really going down that road? Uh, you usually don’t like talking about that kind of stuff.
[Logan]: You've got no shame.
[Patton]: Definitely not much of a filter.
[Roman]: Yes, and no fear...
[Logan, Patton, & Roman]: You have no—
[Thomas]: I have no anxiety, is that what you guys are trying to say?
[Roman]: Okay... Well, he also has no sense of tension build-up. That’s disappointing.
[Logan]: This is very disconcerting.
[Roman]: I don’t know. Shouldn’t a lack of fear be a good thing?
[Patton]: -gasp- Roman, I’m surprised at you!
[Roman]: What?
[Patton]: Anxiety can be a gloomy goober sometimes, but he’s still one of us.
[Roman]: Is he though? Check it out. Morality, Logic, Creativity. We three are the most important facets of Thomas’ personality. Plus, we all contribute a little extra stuff too. We got along just fine without him in the first two Sanders Sides videos.
[Logan]: He may not have had a physical presence, but he was always there within Thomas, to some extent. And he contributes more than what you credit him. Plus, he too, may represent more than just anxiety, even though it is a significant part of who he is.
[Roman]: Even still, I just don’t see why he’s necessary. If Anxiety is gone, what do we have to lose?
[Thomas]: I don’t fear death.
[Patton]: Wow.
[Roman]: So, you’re super brave. That’s good.
[Logan]: There's a difference between bravery and acting without caution. Think fast! -Chucks a laptop which hits Thomas in the back of the head-
[Roman]: Oh, my- sweet Cole Sprouse, what?
[Thomas]: That really hurt. Was that a laptop? That, like, hurt real bad. Woah...
[Logan]: Unalert, and without his natural defensive reflexes. Yes, it seems that Anxiety has officially clocked out.
[Roman]: Okay. Well, he can work on that.
[Logan]: Thomas, did you remember to lock your motor vehicle earlier today?
[Thomas]: I probably did, I’m not sure, but probably.
[Logan]: Weaker memory.
[Roman]: Wh- that’s not a symptom of a lack of anxiety!
[Logan]: Not directly, but with the anxiety over leaving his car unlocked... Thomas always double checks to make sure, securing that memory in place.
[Patton]: -at the same time- I doubt anyone will go looking through his car—
[Thomas]: -at the same time- I doubt anyone will go looking through my car—
[Patton]: -at the same time- Oh my goodness!
[Thomas]: -at the same time- Oh my gosh!
[Patton]: You just see the best in people.
[Logan]: But he can't always afford to.
[Patton]: Ugh, yeah, I guess you’re right.
[Thomas]: Well, it sounds like I’m in trouble or something.
[Roman]: No, it sounds like these two are worrying too much.
[Logan]: That's the thing- is anyone among us worried?
[Patton]: It’s because he isn’t worried and that doesn’t seem right, Roman.
[Thomas]: Princey’s never liked Anxiety, that’s his problem!
[Roman]: That’s not true.
[Thomas]: Mmm...
*flashback*
[Anxiety]: Hey there, Princey!
[Roman]: Ohhkay, I can’t stand that guy.
*switch flashback*
[Roman]: -in Valerie's form- I’m trying hard not to like you right now.
*switch flashback*
[Roman]: Still don’t like you.
[Anxiety]: What was that?
[Roman]: Uhh... Chim-Chim-Cheroo!
*switch flashback*
[Roman]: To offer his mopey, dopey input? I-I don’t like him.
*end flashback*
[Roman]: Oh, now your memory works... That’s convenient.
[Logan]: It is interesting to note that Patton and I have both had our moments of seeing eye to eye with Anxiety... But you seem to remain resolute as ever in how you perceive him.
[Roman]: Look, I am the dreamer, and the one BIG thing that gets in the way of pursuing any new adventure, is fear.
[Thomas]: -holds up a pair of jeans- Took my pants off!
[Roman]: Why?!
[Patton]: Hey, now.
[Thomas]: No one can see, I don’t care.
[Logan]: Yup, we are getting your anxiety and shame back. I cannot deal with any more of this ridiculousness.
[Patton]: You put them back. Right now.
[Thomas]: Alright, fine. Well, if Anxiety’s not here, where is he?
[Roman]: Ugh, probably in his room.
[Thomas]: His room?
[Logan]: Technically, it's the corner of your mind that you go to if you wanted to enhance your anxiety, for some reason... Or if you wanted to cathartically indulge in typically troubling emotions. Think, "The Mind Palace", but specifically for Anxiety.
[Roman]: Where else do you think we come from? Where do we go?
[Patton]: Where did he come from Cotton-Eye Joe?
[Thomas]: So, you all have one? Oh, my goodness- more stuff I’m learning about myself. Uh, I’d rather go to Patton’s. Can we go there?
[Logan]: Nope. We need to go to Anxiety's room to check on Anxiety. This is the priority, do you remember what we just... were talking about?
[Thomas]: Ah, okay.
[Roman]: So we’re all going to Anxiety’s room? Who knows what THAT tragic kingdom looks like? Hhmm...
[Patton]: Are you going to join us on this, Thomas? Mm, 'cause we need you to get us all there.
[Thomas]: Yeah, it sounds fun or whatever.
[Logan]: Ohhkay. I thought I would like you without your... never-ending assembly line of predicaments, but this is truly, truly bothersome.
[Roman]: Just focus on the things that would normally make you anxious. That is the corner of your mind where we need to go. It may be difficult to go down that road—
[Thomas]: Got it.
[Roman]: ...Ahh, okay. There is no drama in this today. -sinks out-
[Logan]: Ugh, into the unknown. Here we go. -sinks out-
[Patton]: ♪ Again on my own! Going down Anxiety’s corner in Thomas’ mind... ♪ -sinks out-
[Thomas]: Oh, I guess I’m doing this too. This is new. -sinks out-
*new scene; Anxiety's room*
[Thomas]: -pops up- Woah. -chuckles- I knew I should’ve taken that left turn at Albuquerque. -snaps his fingers-
[Logan]: Uh, no. This is where we needed to go.
[Thomas]: I know... I- it was- it was just a- uhm... a joke.
*To be continued guys, gals, and non-binary pals...*
*end card*
[Roman]: Wh- are- are you serious? A cliffhanger for a YouTube video??
[Logan]: Highly unusual... and frustrating.
[Patton]: Oh, I’m sure it won’t be that bad. How long do we have to wait?
[Logan]: According to Thomas' schedule, just a couple of days.
[Patton]: Yay! And knowing Thomas, he’ll get this video out when he says he will, right on time.
[Logan & Roman]: Riiiight...