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[Thomas]: They call me sanders 'cause I'm- *fumbles over words* Do you want to go out sometime? *breaks out into laughter*

[Joan, offscreen]: *laughter* That's amazing, yes!

[Thomas]: It works every time! *southern accent* *laughter*

[Intro]

[Thomas]: You already know what's going on because you clicked on the title of the video and you're here. That’s right, it’s time for another bloopers video! I’m gonna keep this intro short and sweet, but after my team and I poured through the raw footage of Putting Others First (POF), Flirting with Social Anxiety (FWSA), the Crofters That's My Jam video (CTMJ), and Working Through Intrusive Thoughts (WTIT) we realized we mess up a lot – and we mess around even more. So, we decided to split this edition of the bloopers into a part one and a part two, and when part two eventually posts, there's gonna be an extended version on Patreon. There’s just a lot, there’s a lot to choose from. So, I do hope that you enjoy all of the stupid shenanigans we got into while filming in the different formats we tried since the last bloopers video. And once again, of course, heads up for crude humor and foul language in front of and behind the camera. Alright, that's it, I'll shut up: enjoy! Over to you, Thomas from last year.

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[POF Thomas]: Okay, that is uh one of my favorite movies…

*Both Joan and Thomas break into laughter*

[POF Thomas]: Ah, this bloopers footage is going to be insane.

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[WTIT Logan]: YES!

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[Thomas as Roman]: *appears without shirt on*

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[Thomas as Janus]: *sticks tongue out to side*

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[WTIT Thomas]: *screams as the hot dog boom mic is pointed at him*

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[Thomas as Remus]: ♪ *hums the Adams Family theme song and snaps fingers twice in rhythm to song* ♪

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[Thomas as Roman]: ♪ Getting to know me.

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*cast member dressed as Remus extends hand into frame with peace sign as Thomas as Logan stands in kitchen*

[WTIT Logan]: Welcome to another episode of my depressed kitchen.

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[Thomas as Patton]: *speaks with deep tone* Let’s do it. This is Patton's real voice. Everything's been a voiceover up until now.

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[CTMJ Logan]: Are we going? Are we rolling? Oh–

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[Joan, offscreen]: Good gravy–

[Thomas as Patton]: GRAVY! And that is the first word of our shoot.

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[Thomas as Virgil]: ♪ What is this feeling, so sudden and new? ♪ *laughter* S**t, I’m quoting Wicked.

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[WTIT Thomas]: *jumps back with a scream, surprised. Then he begins laughing* Sorry, I laughed at my own scream.

*Everyone starts laughing, along with Thomas*

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[CTMJ Logan]: *monotone, infomercial voice* If you or a loved one suffer from mesothelioma, you could be entitled to compensation.

[Quil, offscreen]: With that compensation, you should buy Logan’s berry.

*laughter from Thomas and crew*

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[POF Roman]: Ho-oh, I'm sorry, was I a little too fantastical for you? *does a weird dance with arms that causes laughter from Thomas and crew*

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[CTMJ Thomas]: *while pointing empathetically to Roman, Patton, and Virgil offscreen* You get a jam, and you get a jam and you get a jam– *composed* Remus and Janus do not get jams.

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[WTIT Remus]: Where’s my hot dog boom mic? I made a hot dog boom mic. There it is, my baby.

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[WTIT Logan]: Oh!

*Thomas as Logan sees the hot dog boom mic prop, camera pans to it*

[Crew Member]: I didn't even notice, that's amazing.

*laughter from Thomas and crew*

[WTIT Logan]: Geez.

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[WTIT Remus]: All right, great, I can work now.

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*Thomas as WTIT Remus screams as camera zooms in alongside a knife, giving the effect it’s flying towards him. As the camera pauses on his face, he starts talking as if he’s in a *Record Scratch* *Freeze Frame* meme*

[WTIT Remus]: "This is me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation…"

[Crew Member]: Oh my gosh.

[Alyssa, offscreen]: “Well, lemme take ya back…”

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[POF Janus]: But self-care shouldn't be put off until you- *fumbles with words, then composes self* Here we go. There's a blooper for you, b*****s. *laughter*

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[WTIT Remus]: There's a hair on my tongue lollipop, that's how you know they're not preparing them right! One star on yelp!

[Quil, offscreen]: James, how’s the focus on this one?

[James, offscreen]: I'm not sure what to focus on. *laughter from crew*

[WTIT Remus]: Really? That's a great answer, oh my gosh.

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*Thomas as Remus announces number, then proceeds to lick tongue lollipop each time*

[WTIT Remus]: One, two, three.

*laughter from crew*

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[Joan, offscreen]: Alright, so the blurb pops up.

*POF Thomas throws up arms defensively*

[POF Thomas]: Just like "throws hands"?

[Joan, offscreen]: What about that vine? Yeah.

*Thomas strikes pose and both laugh*

[POF Thomas]: So great.

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*Logan’s Lowdown pops up on screen*

[POF Patton]: Mamma mia!

[POF Roman]: Jesus Christ Superstar! …Should have been a concept album! *points* What is that?!

*laughter from crew*

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[POF Thomas]: *chuckling* I'm just thinking about the punching–

[Joan, offscreen]: I know.

[POF Thomas]: *still chuckling* –and it’s so good.

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[Girl]: Usually it’d be like this– *presents photo in hand and accidentally hits boy in face beside her*

*Laughter*

[Thomas, Offscreen]: Are you okay?

[Boy]: Yeah, I’m fine.

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*CTMJ Patton walks into the kitchen holding a suitcase*

[CTMJ Patton]: If you’re a busy– *fumbles with word*

*crew member laughs as Thomas walks back off stage*

[Davi, offscreen]: A strong start!

[CTMJ Patton]: Thank you, thank you.

[Quil, offscreen]: I AM a busy blep.

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*CTMJ Roman bikes through park, addressing camera*

[CTMJ Roman]: People don't want 90s commercials, Virgil. *bike swerves*  Whoa.

[Crew, offscreen]: They want 80s.

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*CTMJ Virgil pulls off purple baseball cap and makes a silly expression*

*Laughter*

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[Joan, offscreen]: You're about to do the bit where you’re reading off all of this s**t.

*Joan approaches, arms outstretched like a zombie as Thomas scrambles away*

[Thomas as Roman]: Doing? What are you doing? No!

*Joan adjusts Thomas’ costume*

[Thomas as Roman]:  Oh my gosh!

[Joan]: S**t.

[Thomas as Roman]: *calls out* Wardrobe is being a little aggressive.

[Joan]: F**k, looks like s**t.

*Laughter*

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[CTMJ Logan]: Milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, soy and fish; Milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, soy and fish; Tree nuts, trees nuts, tree nuts, trees nuts.

[CTMJ Logan]: *holds up Jam* The jams avoid contact with common allergens such as uuhhhh milk? The jams avoid contact with common allergens such as peanuts, and that's it.

*Laughter*

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[POF Thomas]:  Why is the phrase karma's a b****,

[Joan, offscreen]: It’s “Why is the saying,"

[POF Thomas]: "Why is the saying,” *adjusts sleeve*

[POF Thomas]: Why is the phrase– why is the saying!

[POF Thomas]: Right, yeah why is the phrase– Holy s**t.

[POF Thomas]: Right, yeah, like why is the phrase!

*Laughter, Thomas claps*

[POF Thomas]: Why is the phrase, why is the saying – why can't the phrase be "why is the phrase”?

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[WTIT Logan]: Give it your good old homeboy, Logan. *does a small dance* Vibes. Logan is actually randomly, that’s where I get my dance moves from.

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[WTIT Remus]: No! Those moves look so funky fresh! No, don't shake what your mama gave ya'. *giggles*

[Crewmember, offscreen]: She didn't give you much–

[WTIT Remus]:  –she didn't give you anything! This is my intrusive thought, like, seeing you, like this! A dagger to my head? Sure. Disco? Not so.

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[CTMJ Logan]: Jams they avoid comment, con, they avoid comments, they… *gestures with hand* They don’t, it gets them down.

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[CTMJ Patton]: That’s why picky parents choose happy pappy pat, *fumbles* happy pappy jam happy pappy peach jam.

[CTMJ Patton]: It's a perfectly premium pretty– *fumbles* Hmm, it's a pretty pretty it's perfectly her, it's a perfectly pleasant, premium product.

[CTMJ Patton]: That’s why picky parents pick pappy *sighs* pappy...

[Crewmember, offscreen]: *excited* Pappy?!

[CTMJ Patton]: Pappy!

[CTMJ Patton]: It's a perfectly priest– *fumbles* Oh, that was so good, too.

[CTMJ Patton]: That’s why picky parents pick crofters, *with weird accent* crafters, *stronger accent* CRAFTERS happy pappy peach jam.

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*Thomas trying to maintain a glum expression as Virgil, but keeps smiling*

[CTMJ Virgil]: Sorry, okay hold on, I got this. Dead puppies. Stop, you're laughing before I can do it.

[Quil, offscreen]: “Dead puppy” was funny!

[Davi, offscreen]: Sorry, we started laughing, because you said “dead puppies”!

[CTMJ Virgil]: Turn around. *laughs* Hold on.

*maintains straight expression*

[CTMJ Virgil]: You got so much spit on that. *bursts into laughter and breaks character* Everyone started, like, giggling. Sorry, I couldn't help it! Okay, hold on.

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[Thomas as Patton]: *gasp* Wow, oh my– guess old son- *shakes head and chokes, both him and Joan break into laughter*

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[Quil, offscreen]: Do you want me to go kneel over there?

[WTIT Logan]: *shrugs* You can. You can Degrasse and you can Tyson.

[Quil, offscreen]: God...

[WTIT Logan]: Neil on Degrasse Tyson. People have made that joke, right? *laughing*

[Quil, offscreen]: Now I’m not going to do it.

[WTIT Logan]: Oh, that's funny, all right...

[Quil, offscreen]: Stop…

[WTIT Logan]: *still grinning* ...real actor. *keeps chuckling* It's getting to me so much, all right.

[Quil, offscreen]: Dead puppies.

[WTIT Logan]: Ooh, okay. Dead puppies. *composes for a moment before laughing again*

[James, offscreen]: You're horrible.

[WTIT Logan]: I’m just thinking of “Dead Puppy Society”.

[Quil, offscreen]: Oh god, Thomas you make two sad things into a funny thing.

[WTIT Logan]: Sorry, okay.

[Quil, offscreen]: You're crying.

[WTIT Logan]: *wipes eyes* I'm crying.

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[CTMJ Logan]: Crofter’s jam avoids nuts, grains and– I never held up the jar.

*laughing*

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[POF Janus]: I mean, TOTALLY, yes, of course, but, both of my fingers are up–

[Joan, offscreen]: but–

[POF Janus]: –but.

[Joan, offscreen]: Everyone.

[POF Janus]: I'm only on here for like five f**king minutes, I need to get that sweet sweet blooper footage for the blooper reel.

[Joan, offscreen]: I feel like, on the “but”, don’t be afraid to take… a lot of time in the “but”… like, like...

[POF Janus]: Hmm, *nods* that's what I always tell them, yeah.

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[POF Roman]: Pffft, Janus? What are you? A stupid middle school– *laughter* you're a stupid middle school.

[POF Roman]: Don’t you talk to me about– I was about to say "faux-gan".

[POF Roman]: Don't you talk to me about faux-gan– *laughter* Oh my gosh, what the hell?

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[Thomas as Logan]: And if you end up hitting me, it's okay. It's- It's foam.

[Quil, offscreen]: Do I want to hit my boss with a blunt object?

[Thomas as Logan]: ♪ Don't want to hit my boss. ♪

*Quil hits Thomas with the foam key, and Thomas blocks it*

[Alyssa, offscreen]: The sound... Is hilarious.

[Thomas as Logan]; The sound is pretty funny.

*Quil hits Thomas again*

[Thomas as Logan]: *in character* Really? A squeak? It was gonna squeak, and you were gonna use that on a serial killer? Thomas, grow the f*** up. *Breaks character and laughs*

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[Crew member]: *lets out a long scream from inside the closet*

*everyone laughs*

[Aj]: How was that one?

[Thomas, offscreen]: I think there's something in there..

*everyone laughs again*

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[Thomas]: *staring into the closet* Mom!?

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[Joan, offscreen]: *reading for Logan* Then I will do you all a favor and spare you my company.

[Thomas as Patton]: Oh, Patton, I-

[Joan, offscreen]; -Logan.

[Thomas as Patton]: Oh, Logan. *laughs* Patton, I- Patton I! Logan you!

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[WTIT Remus]: *holding a book* I'm not even f****ing reading.

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[Thomas as Logan]: The jams avoid contact with common allergens, such as pi- piss. Whoops. Geez.

[Davi, offscreen]: I didn't think they needed to specify that!

[Thomas as Logan]: It's going to be a hard life. *laughs* Yes, we keep our jams piss free. Unlike, frigging Smuckers.

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[Joan, offscreen]: How could that even happen?

[POF Patton]: I don't know! I, I don't know! Bye! *walks offscreen*

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