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Transcripts/BLOOPER REEL!! Return of the Bloop! (Sanders Sides)

Jurassic World: Dominion Dominates Fandom Wikis - The Loop

01:25

[Logan]: It is important to keep receipts. Did you see that I held it upside down? That's a bloop.

[Joan]: That's a bloop if I've ever seen one

[Logan] *laughs*

*logo*

[Thomas]: *fumbling over his words* What is, everybody? *laughs* Good start to this video. You all have been asking for another bloopers video and another bloopers video you shall receive! In the time since the last one, there have been so many mistakes, ad-libs, and everything in between that we just decided to draw from the last three Sanders Sides episodes, and leave the Cartoon Therapy and other videos for another day, because look how long this video already is. There is quite a bit of censored cursing and inappropriate behavior in front of, and behind, the camera, so, fair warning. Now, let's get into it. Are you ready?

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[Thomas]: I think- I think so.

[Joan]: Oh god!

[Thomas]: Start immediately by breaking the freaking Wi-Fi (*Joan giggles*) That's how we started out this filming process. Welcome!

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[Logan]: Testing

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[Joan]: Test audio, boop boop. Say somethin?

[Virgil]: Uh... boop boop

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[Joan]: Bloop!

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[Logan]: Bloop bloop bloop bloop.

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[Virgil]: POOP

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[Thomas]: BOOM, BABY!

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[Logan]: WOoooooOoOOoooOoah-

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[Patton]: *laughter in the style of Disney's Goofy*

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[Thomas]: *blowing his hair out of his face*

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[Virgil]: Guck-

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[Patton]: *confusion noises*

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[Roman]: I feel POWERFUL!!!

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[Thomas]: *offended gasp*

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[Logan]: Pfft... I- *laughs*

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[Deceit]: I'd like to call my next witness to the stand... VIRRRRGILLLLLLLLLLLLLL! *laughter*

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[Deceit]: I'd like to call my next witne- Ow, I hurt myself doing that sh*t.

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[Deceit]: *twirls* I'd like to call my next- *laughs*

[Deceit]: I'll get it right. I'm a dancer.

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[Virgil]: Oh, what is thi- I-I just found this over here? *holding up middle finger* Oh my gosh, Deceit, is this yours?

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[Virgil]: Please do not dress me *laughs*

[Virgil]: Please never take off my clothes and put me in new clothes ever again. *laughs*

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[Patton]: He's weaseling theee- um- witness. *laughs*

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[Patton]: Thanks Roman. BA-!! *laughs* BA!!

[Patton]: Our baby lawyer.

[Patton]: Thanks Roman. EH-!

[Patton]: Thank you, Roman. BOU-! *laughter* Pfffft, what's going on?

[Patton]: Aaaaaaaaah-

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[Thomas]: Could you imagine of Spider-Man had Sanders Sides?

[Thomas]: Patton, should I kill Green Goblin?

[Joan]: No!

[Thomas]: *in a Patton voice* No! You silly spider!

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[Roman]: We're talking about hearing him out in regards to him shoot- shout- shooting puppets.

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[Nate Beagle]: It's not easy being green. *using Roman puppet* I read that somewhere.

[Thomas]: Somebody said it.

[Nate]: Actually, I think I just made it up. *laughing in background*

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[Logan]: You WHAT?!

[Logan]: You what?!

[Logan]: You do?

[Logan]: Ohhh my gosh. Sorry. You- You-

[Joan]: You- Do-

[Logan]: You- Do-

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[Virgil]: Now I'm gonna go be- come on... Come on.

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[Patton]:Oh, Logan, come on! We're gonna need- mmmmm-mmm.

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[Thomas]: Let's give him the old "liar liar". What's colors- what's colors? What's- what is colors?

[Joan]: What's colors??

[Thomas]: What's colors?!?!?!

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[Deceit]: Ouch.

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[Virgil]: HA- mmh.. pfft. Couldn't get it out of the... the pocket.

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[Logan]: No, I mean people fall out of public opinion... holy sh*t.

[Joan]: Oh my God-

[Logan]: People fall out of public o-favor very quickly. Did you see how I almost said opinion again?

[Logan]: *groans*

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[Thomas]: *walking and waving Logan's mechanical robot arm* *laughter* Like, wiggling. Logan's like *weird groaning noises*

[Thomas]: *pinching the little mechanical hand* Do you even pinch like that?? "I'm comin' for ya. High five!"

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[Roman]: Ow! I poked myself in the eye with my own thumb!

*slow motion replay*

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[Logan]: Intact and wet! Ow-

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[Patton]: I know nothing! *majestically stumbles* *laughter*

[Joan]: Are you okay?

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[Thomas]: *stumbles* Holy schmokes!

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[Roman]: Did someone say mummy?

[Joan]: You hit the lamp with your hat!

[Roman]: *laughter*

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[Roman]: *hits lamp while walking up* I'd also like to contribute to this-

[Thomas]: WHOA-

[Roman]: Weird vent-y song!

[Nate]: Sorry-

[Thomas]: You hit the lamp! Roman, c'mon, calm down!

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[Roman]: Ow! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!

[Thomas]: *laughs*

[Nate]: You hit me in the throat! You hit me IN THE THROAT- *laughter* *gagging noises*

[Nate]: Wouldn't that be amazing if it just went, it stuck in there?

[Thomas]: *laughs* And just eats it in front of 'em

[Nate]: Look at it. LOOK AT MY EYES AS I EAT IT.

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[Deceit]: Now, could we please- Mmm-mm.

[Deceit]: Could we please- sh*t- in my mouth!

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[Thomas]: That was an old college band I was in, okay- *Thomas and Joan laugh* Alright! Gotta get through this!

[Thomas]: That is, um... an old college band I was in... Ok... Oh my God!

[Joan]: *censored* Get it together, Sanders!

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[Thomas]: *sneezes*

[Joan]: Ugh, bless myself. *laughs*

[Thomas]: This is so silly-

[Joan]: Come back up with a bloody nose, I'm like 'Ah!'

[Thomas]: I sneezed myself so hard, I regenerated!

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[Joan]: I'm sure you're wondering what kind of content you'll see on that channel. Well, I'll show you.

*laughter*

[Joan]: Oh my God! Awkward Adventures?!?! I love that series!

[Joan]: Whoooooa, I don't have glasses on!

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[Joan]: Thomas was just like, spinning in circles, like "Where are my glasses?"

[Thomas]: They were on my face...

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[Joan]: *off screen* Logan, that's a shame, right?

[Thomas]: *gasps and makes a bomb explosion noise*

[Joan]: *off screen* What?

[Joan]: Oh sh*t!

[Thomas]: *laughs* Whoopsie doodles!

[Thomas] *in Deceit's voice* When he's behind the witness stand, the gloves are off.

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[Logan]: *snapping* Yesss, b*tch

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[Virgil]: Well, unlike our pedantic friend, I don't have an issue with strong language... *deep breath* BOIIIII *laughs*

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[Logan]: Agreeable!- shhhhhhfshffshsfff... static.

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[Patton]: Where were you when the underwear was left on the- *makes whispering noises to indicate that he has messed up*

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[Roman]: *blows noise maker* Yes! Our first- *stutters*

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[Thomas]: Roman, what the heeeck, man? *laughs*

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[Patton]: Hey everyone.

[Patton]: I'd like to talk to you about Jesus Christ.

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[Patton]: Putting it simply, rain is a necessary piece of the puzzle, that is... the existence of life. According to... the book of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints.

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[Deceit]: In a legal setting?! You lose!

[Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka]: You lose! You stole fizzy lifting drinks!

[Deceit]: You stole fizzy lifting drinks!

[Joan]: I was thinking that.

[Deceit]: Legal and binding! You signed it!

[Gene Wilder]: Good day, sir!

[Deceit]: Good day, sir!!

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[Logan]: *in a weird voice* Faalsehood.

*Joan laughs*

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[Joan]: *mumbles*leave the teaching to me.. *giggles*

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[Virgil]: Ohohoho, sh*t! *laughs*

[Virgil]: I wend red, 'cause that is not what I usually do. Let me un-red my face right now.

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[Deceit]: Hold on, the, uh, human side of Deceit's gotta settle down the blushing.

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[Thomas]: Guys-

[Thomas]: Ugh!

[Thomas]: This is the life I wanted. This is the life I wanted *laughs*

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[Patton]: Oof! Or should I say... woof?

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[Logan]: I found gum underneath my chair...

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[Roman]: Ah, I broke my gavel. *laughter*

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[Roman]: *bird noises* I'm a pretty pretty bird!

[Roman]: It's 2 o'clock, and I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

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[Logan]: Unlike him, I find it difficult-

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[Logan]: Wherein...

[Joan]: By which...

[Logan]: By which... it's a bi witch. It's a bisexual witch.

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[Joan]: Pretty gross?

[Thomas]: Uh, no.

[Joan]: It's just sweetener.

*laughter*

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[Virgil]: Twilight, eat your heart out

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[Virgil]: Be very afraid!

[Joan]: *reaches out to grab the blood dangling off his chin* Get that

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[Roman]: This is the song! Oh sh*t.

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[Roman]: But a life full of jokes- FREE of jokes is incomplete!!

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[Logan]: This just serves as tetriment *starts laughing* to the fact that to me you're negligent-

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[Virgil]: No one wants to be a joke... *music startles him*

[Virgil]: Sh*t!

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[Virgil]: There! *music in the background goes "There!" after him*

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[Patton]: There! *music in the background goes "There!" after him*

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[Patton]: Uhhhhhhhh there! Now you see!

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[Roman]: Lest you both end up blind... *laughs*

[Roman]: Sorry! I just can't imagine the puppet going...'blind'

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[Deceit]: Where's the wedding?

[Deceit]: ...That was stupid. That was a stupid move.

[Deceit]: Eat sh*t, losers.

*laughter off screen*

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[Deceit]: F*cking killed that one. Ow.

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[Deceit]: Get ready. I just beefed it over here. You're gonna have to stand in it.

*laughter*

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[Deceit]: Read off the charges, pleeeaseeeeeeeee *weird hissing noises*

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[Deceit]: I'm not evil. I'm just...

[Joan]: Drawn

[Deceit] Drawn that way. *laughs*

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[Thomas]: But a life free of jokes is incomplete! *makes rapidfire noise*

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[Nate] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Manah manah-

*laughter*

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[Thomas]: Ha, you little bagged lunch. I'm gonna punch you right in your sack! Oh!

[Joan]: That's your whole body!

[Thomas]: That's your whole body! OHHHHHHHH!

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[Thomas]: Nice lunch bag, you know what you need? A knuckle sandwich! OHHHHHH!

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[Logan]: *giggles* I have no idea what the f*ck I'm doing.

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[Logan]: Virgil is right. We- *rubix cube slams on the ground*

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[Logan]: Virgil is right. We argue and argue- *rubix cube slams on the ground again* Dang nabbit.

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[Logan]: Then you distract yourself and forget about the issue until you're reminded of it- ag- of it again.

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[Logan]: We're trapped in a figurative Sisyphean nightmare!

[Logan]: This line is a figurative Sisyphean nightmare.

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[Roman]: You don't have to say figurative, Logan. We know that we're not literally trapped in a nightmare. Look what I drew!

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[Deceit]: And now, I'd like to call Thomas Standers- ...Whoops.

[Joan]: Totally didn't f*ck up just now.

*laughter*

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[Thomas]: You got me there....*laughs*

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[Logan]: Do you wanna throw more Butterfingers at me?

[Joan]: Oh sh*t, I missed.

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(Joan throws the Butterfingers, it lands in Thomas's lap. He holds it up.)

[Thomas]: *laughs*

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[Logan]: Butterfingers?

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(Joan throws the Butterfingers and it bounces off the desk and onto the floor

*laughter*

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(Joan throws the Butterfingers, and Thomas/Logan almost knocks the microphone over trying to grab it.)

[Logan]: Butterfingers? *laughs*

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[Logan]: Butterfingers?

[Joan]: *laughs*

[Logan]: Have you not learned not to throw things at me?

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[Patton]: Here you go, Logan! *blinds rustle as he throws the rubix cube*

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[Thomas]: I wasn't ready!

[Joan]: Sorry-

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(Thomas throws the candy and Joan drops it)

[Thomas]: We are just wonderful sports players.

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[Roman]: AH-

[Roman]: I'm certainly not good at snatching cards away.

[Roman]: Thank you. AH- oh my gosh!

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[Patton]: What's up? I'm Canine Skrillex. Is this Skrillex's outfit at all?

[Joan]: Skrillex wears glasses.

[Patton]: Other than the glasses?

[Joan]: He wears black T-shirts...

[Patton]: I was wrong. It was a poor joke to make.

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[Deceit]: *gags* Ugh, hairball.

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[Deceit]: *offended gasp*

[Joan]: Oh my god, that's some sh*t I would do if I was offended.

*laughter*

[Thomas]: It was a very 'you' thing.

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[Deceit]: Wha- wha?

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[Logan]: Wha- what's that?

*laughter*

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[Logan]: Particularly the fourth- Hold on.

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[Logan]: However, a mixture of- look at this f*cking thing.

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[Logan]: *words slurred* We're all having a good time!

[Joan]: You look like.. a silly professor.

[Logan]: Hey everybody. I know it's the last day of class. I thought I'd have some fun.

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[Logan]: It's so much nicer to be able to talk without a giant pair of testicles hanging from my chin.

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[Logan]: *high voice* Doooooo boy!

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[Patton]: Y'always seem to- y'all

[Patton]: Y'always seem to have a-

[Patton]: Y'AAAAlways seem to have a-

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*laughter*

[Joan]: You got drool-

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[Roman]: Guys, I broke my blue crayon. Can an- does anybody have an extra one? I'll just make do.

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[Roman]: What am I supposed to be building with this? I-

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[Patton]: Um when- when does Viola Davis get here?

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[Deceit]: You are in control of Thomas' fears, are you not? ...A little drunk.

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[Thomas]: I'm so gassy right now, I'm sorry.

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[Thomas]: *burps* Okay, hmm- sorry.

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[Thomas]: Okay, how do you do this? *Makes an exertion sound*

[Joan]: *Makes a raspberry sound with mouth*

[Thomas]: Oh-

[Thomas]: I'm going to my room now. *laughter*

[Joan]: That was my foot! BYE!

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[Thomas]: *Makes a raspberry sound with mouth* Ooh, oh! *laughter*

[Thomas]: That's the stupidest thing!

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[Patton]: *burps* Excuse me

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[Thomas]: *rapping* Oh no, I farted out loud. Oh n- *laughter* Twenty-one Pilots

[Joan]: *raps* I'm in church and I farted out loud!

[Thomas]: Oh no!

[Joan]: *raps* God heard, but the devil was the one who caused it

*laughter*

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[Patton]: *Burps* I'll do whatever I can to make sure you're not.

[Patton]: I think we got it.

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[Patton]: Wow, I really do look like Parappa the rapper.

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[Logan]: *weird voice* Ohana means family

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[Logan]: But Roman said, and I quote, "That dude-" hold, hold on. *laughter* Hold on. This is the floppiest notebook.

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[Deceit]: The only thing opening should be Thomas' mouth because he's about to be served a giant d*ck. *laughter*

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[Virgil]: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah...

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[Thomas]: So we're stuck in a loop? I don't know why I just made flirty eyes at Patton.

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[Patton]: Hey, some loops are fun! Froot! *laughter*

[Patton]: I couldn't keep it together...

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[Roman]: You were the first person to call it a loop, you stupid Viner.

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[Thomas]: The gang's all here, so it is obvious... I have something wrong with me. *laughter*

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[Patton]: Do you swear to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

[Patton]: Do you liiike mee?

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[Deceit]: Guilty as cha- *jumps as light turns off* Oh.

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[Patton]: So we're not talking about the diarrhoea? *phone rings*

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[Thomas]: *sings off-screen while phone continues ringing*

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[Logan]: I can't help but be re- *phone dings* Shut up.

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[Joan]: *off-screen while Patton dances to phone ringtone* Is this my food?

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[Thomas, voicing for puppet Patton]: Well, we could start by having an open and honest *phone dings* son of a b*tch.

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*background music starts*

So-

[Thomas]: Oh, my computer died!

[Nate, using puppet Roman]: Aaah, dead! We're all dead!

[Thomas]: We're alive, but we're dead!

[Nate]: Aaaah- Whose hand is that? Jesus...

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[Deceit] Who is more important in this friendship? Mmmm… Moo.

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[Joan]: Even though it is thick, it's still dripping a little bit.

[Thomas]: That's what he said.

[Joan]: And I don't- *giggles*

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[Virgil]: Vine may be dead, but it's still- *incoherent mumbling as tooth falls out of his mouth* I lost a tooth.

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[Joan]: You need to put it under your pillow.

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[Virgil]: Be afraid! Be very a- *more incoherent mumbling as tooth falls out of his mouth*

[Joan]: Ah, it's okay.

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*putting in tooth noises*

[Virgil]: Tooth.

*more putting in tooth noises*

[Joan]: Ah, f*ck. Just drop it. Open your mouth wide.

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[Thomas]: You have a seat in the driver's- Mmhmhmm...

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[Patton]: *progressively deeper voice* I mean if they're not gonna hurt Thomas back, then why don't we just kill them?

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[Deceit]: Ohohohohoo

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*camera punching noises from Logan, then Thomas*

[Thomas]: I'm Spider-Man!

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[Logan]: No-one takes you seriously! … B*tch.

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[Deceit]: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought we were having a discussion about rights and wrongs! Rights and wrongs. *laughter*

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[Patton]: Who do you want at your wedding? Who do you want at your wedding?! Who do you want at your wedding?!?! *laughter*

[Patton]: Ring ring ring, who's this? Oh, that's wonderful, I'll tell him! Ah, she said she's going- *laughter*

[Patton]: Ring ring! *gasp* W- *laughter*

[Patton]: Ring ring ring, who's this? Who? What? Who gave you my number? What? Oh my gosh, that's wonderful, I'll tell him. She said she's going. *laughter*

[Patton]: Ring ring. Oh, you again, uh oh. She said she cancelled- *laughter*

[Patton]: What's this? Oh no, she *stumbles over words* uh, she cancelled. *laughter*

------------ *transitional ding x2*

[Deceit]: I'm not going anywhere. And there are smarter ways to get people to do what you want, anyway.

[Logan]: He said he wasn't going anywhere.

[Joan]: *laughter* That's so funny.

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[Roman]: Hitchcoppalucas.

[Joan]: Director of PsychoGodfather Wars!

[Roman]: *claps* That's so good!

[Joan]: Good, I'm glad you like it.

[Roman]: Could you imagine that film?

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[Virgil]: When I think of trustworthiness, I think of someone who constantly disguises themselves.

[Adri]: What are you, Team Rocket?

*Virgil laughter*

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[Roman]: Oh my gosh, I will kill both of you, with my bare hands! ...And this sword- *giggles*

[Joan]: *laugh* That's great.

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[Patton]: Feliz cump— *giggles*

[Patton]: Feliz cump—

[Thomas]: Holy sh*t

[Patton]: Feliz cumple—

[Thomas]: Holy sh*t

[Patton]: Feliz cumple—Feliz cumpleaños

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

[Joan]: That's kinda great

[Thomas]: That's kind of funny

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[Patton]: *slurping up water* This water's disgusting.

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[Virgil]: My hair is so bushy.

[Joan]: My hair is so Clinton-y.

*both laugh*

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[Deceit]: Didn't like that.

[Thomas]: *laughs*

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[Virgil]: I hate to say it, but the defendant is guilty.

[Virgil]: *coughs twice*

[Virgil]: Excuse me. I meant you're free!

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[Patton]: Only—

[Patton]: *coughs* Gah

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[Thomas]: Yeah, I feel—

[Joan]: *coughs* Sorry *coughs*

[Joan]: Okay, go ahead.

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[Joan]: I got the hiccups again *hiccups*

[Logan]: Ohh

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[Thomas, in the Spider-Man suit]: I'm gonna have to sneeze and that's gonna be a unique experience

[Thomas]: *sneezes*

[Joan]: It's like the Spider-Man kiss.

[Thomas]: But instead he just sneezes all over the person's face.

[Joan]: I can see him just roll it up and then sneeze.

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[Patton]: My butterfingers!

[Patton]: *laughs* What a silly, silly, thing.

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[Patton]: Butterfingers!

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[Patton, as Deceit is pulling out a bowl of butterfingers from his mouth]: *groans*

[Patton]: Holy sh*t!

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

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[Logan]: There is something interesting to be said about all this talk of phases.

[Thomas]: Oh is there?

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

[Joan]: Oh, I'm sure there is.

[Thomas]: Oh, we're in for it boys.

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

[Thomas, while Joan is laughing]: Here we go.

[Thomas]: Buckle up, we're on the Logan express of education.

[Joan]: Oh my God!

[Thomas]: *laughs*

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[Logan]: Guess I won't be needing this *pulls off hat and throws it on the ground angrily*

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[Logan]: I will form my own team.

[Logan]: I'll call it the Lo-Gang. What?

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[Deceit]: Would you agree to a law that bans children from letting their chil— *pffffft*

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[Thomas]: Uh, it's probably up to the kids.

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

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[Patton]: I am rubber, you are glue. Whatever you say bounces off of you and sticks to me. What?

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

[Joan]: Switch that around.

[Patton]: Switch that around and then you're burned

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[Roman]: Whoever burned the Library of Alexandria, your mom's a ho.

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[Roman]: Ho ho ho! Merry B*tchmas, everyone!

[Roman]: Making a b*tchman.

[Roman]: Making a snowb*tch.

*laughter*

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[Roman]: And it comes to life.

[Thomas]: *laughs*

[Roman]: Yo—comes to life. Magic!

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

[Joan]: Sorry!

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[Roman]: With visions of sugarb*tches dancing in our brains.

[Roman]: And look! There's your sleigh led by Rudolph the red-nosed Reinb*tch!

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[Roman]: Get up early in the morning to unwrap all of those presents brought to you by Sanders Claus.

[Thomas]: I don't know what I'm doing anymore *laughs*

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[Joan]: You're replacing the word "gone" with "been"

[Thomas]: Been...okay.

[Thomas]: Ben! Uncle Ben!

[Joan]: Oh my God,

[Thomas]: Ben is gone!

[Joan]: *laughs* No Ben is *unintelligible words*

[Thomas]: You have to accept that.

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[Patton]: *sniffing noises*

[Patton]: Do I smell some bulls*t? I think it's coming from you.

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[Patton]: Thomas, I heard ya loud and clear. Got four ears. Two of 'em are huge.

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[Logan]: Patton! Holy sh*t, what happened to you?

[Logan]: Oh my Go—somebody help.

[Logan]: Rest easy, little one. You are the future.

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[Patton]: Vir—duh—Virgil, do that—do that—make that f—do that make that face your—you make. *laughs*

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[Joan]: Ah f*ck. Sh*t.

[Nate, controlling puppet Virgil]: Ah, f*ck sh*t.

[Nate]: F*ck sh*t.

[Nate]: F*ck sh*t up, Kermit.

[Thomas]: *laughs*

[Nate]: Goddam**t

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[Deceit]: And would you mind sharing with the court what you have scheduled in your planner?

[Deceit]: Planner? Barely knew her.

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[Logan]: Not at all.

[Logan]: The little ring sounded like a fart.

*fart sounds*

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[Joan]: Then, you manipulate Thomas' left arm.

[Roman]: *does a little flourish with both his arms then laughs* What do I do?

[Roman]: After exhibit A for: ayyyy look at this nerd!

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

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[Logan]: Crisp-ity, crunch-ity, peanut buttery? That's a stupid motto.

*laughter*

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[Logan]: And that's the tea, sis.

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[Roman]: *clapping softly then laughter*

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[Deceit]: *clapping loudly* That's me applauding myself.

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[Roman]: Really falling apart under these bandages.

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[Patton]: *shaking his head until his dog ears fall off*

[Patton]: Oh sh*t.

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[Thomas]: Your spoopy neighbourhood Spider-Man! *thwick*

[Thomas]: Pretty cool right?

[Thomas]: My mommy got it for me.

*Thomas and Joan laugh*

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[Roman]: After tearing them off the moment his guests leave the house! *drops gavel*

[Thomas]: Darn it, it was going to be cool

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[Roman]: You stop. You sto— *throws gavel*

[Thomas]: Could you imagine if that shattered?

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[Roman]: Well this sucks *drops gavel onto the block* What does the judge even do?

[Thomas]: Did you see how I landed that? Did you see how I landed that gavel? It was like a bottle flip. It was awesome.

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[Patton]: *laughing* I have no neck right now *still laughing*

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[Patton]: Ayo, alright. I hope you tried the buffet.

[Patton]: Did I unplug the entire microphone?

[Patton]: I did *laughs*

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[Patton]: Oh! Got your nose!

[Patton]: I'm gonna keep your nose.

[Patton]: No, I'm gonna give it back *laughs*

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