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*intro*

[Thomas]: What is up, everybody?! Okay, for anybody who is new out there, on this channel, we have a pretty special relationship with a certain jelly brand...

*flashback to Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!)*

[Logan]: Okay look, fantasy is not my jam. My jam of choice is Crofter's. And this video isn't even sponsored. I'm just a fan. Crofter's, the only jelly I will put in my belly.

*end flashback*

[Thomas]: Well, today, uh, I have a special announcement, and this is absolutely a hundred percent true... That's right. We have actually, officially... partnered with Crofter's.

[Logan]: -pops up- WHAT?!

[Thomas]: Right?

[Roman]: -pops up- Oh my, gosh peck. Yes!

[Thomas]: Right? When I first heard about it my mouth was, like... ajar!

[Roman]: I propose that we compose A BALLAD to celebrate the occasion!

[Logan]: I-I, hm, I can barely breathe...

[Thomas]: Now guys, easy, I know you two must be excited, but I don't think I can handle a musical Sanders Sides RIGHT AFTER the last video... -deep breath- I wouldn't wanna SPREAD MYSELF TO THIN! -giggles- Right? Like you spread jelly?

[Roman]: Now Thomas, I do appreciate the play on words, truly I do. But do not fear. It's SMEAR-ly a little jingle!

[Thomas]: Oh, you tricky minx!

[Logan]: Roman, I love Crofter's, but the idea... of a musical ditty... dedicated entirely to a partnership with them... IS AN IDEA THAT I POSSIBLY LOVE EVEN MORE! -almost falls over-

[Roman]: -deep inhale- -quietly- Yay!

[Thomas]: Hit it!

*piano accompaniment*

[Roman]: ♪ It's hard to stay informed these days with news so intense. We're bombarded with grim black currant events. I should drop this whole serious song pretense, 'cause this song is not about all that. ♪

[Thomas]: ♪ We made a partnership with Crofter's! We heard a roar across the border that we think came from their bear. We believe it meant to extend us an offer... ♪

[Roman]: ♪ ...for which I plan to make a jam that's just as tasty as theirs! ♪

[Logan]: So, let me get this straight...

[Roman]: Good luck with that!

[Logan]: There was no email exchange between our team and the people at Crofter's Organic?

[Thomas]: No.

[Logan]: A roar, as you described it, was heard and interpreted as a partnership offer that is believed to have been made by Crofter's bear mascot all the way from Ontario, Canada?

[Thomas]: Sure!

[Logan]: That makes perfect sense! ♪ Dreams come true, that's news to me. How Wild... Blueberry. Who knew that our buffoonery would bear fruit so divine? Even I... -riffing- I don't have the vocabulary to describe what I'm feeling inside. But for me, it's very unordinary. The first time you bought a jar, I remember the day in a local health foods grocery. ♪

[Thomas]: ♪ I felt like Lara Croft or Nathan Drake discovering a treasure once unknown to me. But the greatest thing is yet to be revealed! Guys, I cannot believe this is real— ♪ -drops jar- OH SH*T! -weeping- Oh my gosh, it's all gone! It's ruined! IT'S RUINED! Oh, no, it's totally fine. Okay, you guys ready? Five, six, seven... ♪ Guys, I cannot believe this is real! ♪

[Logan]: -gasp-

[Roman]: -speaking slowly- "Logan's Berry"?

[Logan]: -stuttering, speechless- -faints-

[Roman]: Why is it just Logan's Berry? I like Crofter's, too!

[Logan]: I... am going to flip... my... lid. -flicks lid off jar-

[Thomas]: -hit by lid- Ah! Sh*t!

[Roman]: I literally said, "I love me a good spoonful of Crofter's", when we first talked about it. Play that flashback!

*flashback*

[Roman]: Get out of here Anxiety, you stupid Robert Downer Jr.! Anyway, as I was saying, I'm not a huge jelly guy.

*end flashback*

[Thomas]: Ooooooh...

[Logan]: -mouth full- Yikes.

[Thomas]: Did we put that in this video?

[Roman]: Wh—I am not a huge jelly guy EXCEPT for Crofter's. That's what makes it so special! Also, that was NOT the flashback I was referring to and you know it!

[Logan]: Is this made from actual loganberries?

[Thomas]: No, they weren't in season.

[Logan]: Oh.

[Thomas]: But it's blackberry and pomegranate! So that's... It's awesome!

[Logan]: I... still... love it.

[Logan]: -at the same time- ♪ Dreams come true, that's news to me. How Wild... Blueberry. ♪

[Roman]: -at the same time- ♪ I'm fraught with jelly-sy. I can't believe you're telling me ♪

[Logan]: -at the same time- ♪ Who knew that our buffoonery would bear fruit so divine? ♪

[Roman]: -at the same time- ♪ That he's the favored side! ♪

[Logan & Roman]: ♪ Even I... -riffing- ♪

[Logan]: -at the same time- ♪ I don't have the vocabulary to describe what I'm... ♪

[Roman]: -at the same time- ♪ I don't have the vigor to bear the loss of pride that I'm... ♪

[Logan & Roman]: ♪ ...feeling inside. But for me it's very unordinary. ♪

[Logan]: -shovels jam into his mouth-

[Thomas]: Uh, sorry, I didn't quite catch that, Roman. You guys were kinda... singing over each other. Are you okay?

[Roman]: -sighs- I can't help but wonder if we as a society are past the days of celebrating dashing princes and acts of bravery... that are edging on stupidity.

[Thomas]: What do you mean?

[Roman]: I am not blind to the reality that Logan has steadily grown more popular than me! He's a teacher. I'm a prince! But look at him now!

[Logan]: -scarfing jam-

[Roman]: He's just so cool! ...In a way that I don't understand.

[Thomas]: Aw, Roman, we were really just trying to promote a jelly here. I didn't... really plan on any heavy character development.

[Roman]: Ugh, I-I don't know, it just came up organically. -stuttering- Organically? Like Crofter's Organic? Another pun? Excuse me. -to himself- Roman, you dunce! You made a joke and now they'll think that everything's fine.

[Thomas]: Roman?

[Roman]: Mmm?! Oh, yes, are we still doing a video?

[Thomas]: Yeah, you- you know that. You didn't, like... sink out, or anything.

[Roman]: You- uh, you're right. Ya- I did know that.

[Thomas]: Listen, bud. Something that might cheer you up, that hopefully Crofter's won't mind me saying, is that if Logan's Berries... however you say that plural, if they sell well... then maybe, no promises, but MAYBE... you'll get your own flavor?

[Roman]: EVERYBODY GO OUT THERE RIGHT NOW AND BUY LOGAN'S BERRY JAM. GO TO LOGANSBERRY.COM; PLEASE SUPPORT IT. PLEASE? SO THAT I CAN GET MY OWN FLAVOR?

[Thomas]: Wha- uh, wow...

[Roman]: -clapping- C'MON, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!

[Thomas]: Um, okay. Uh, MAYBE! Maybe.

[Roman]: Guys it's a GUARANTEE. I will get my own flavor.

[Thomas]: No! No, it's- it's a maybe.

[Roman]: It's SO GOOD you guys! It- It's so good— Say, that is pretty flippin' finger-lickn' fruit spread!

[Thomas]: Oh, you like it?

[Roman]: Like it? Like it?! LIKE IT?! -screeching- L I K E  I T ! ? ♪ This is Crofter's! ♪

[Logan & Thomas]: ♪ This is Crofter's! ♪

[Roman]: ♪ We're talking Crofter's! ♪

[Thomas]: ♪ Sweet, sweet Crofter's! ♪

[Roman]: ♪ I mean this jelly might as well be gold! It's all that I opt for! ♪

[Logan]: ♪ 'Cause Crofter's is the only jelly I put in my B E L L Y ! ♪

[Roman & Thomas]: ♪ Only jelly. In my belly. ♪

[Logan]: -riffing- ♪ Ooooooh... Ooh, nuh, nuh, NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH! ♪

[Roman]: -high voice- ♪ Only jelly. In my belly. Only jelly. In my belly. ♪

[Thomas]: -low voice- ♪ Only jelly. In my belly. ♪

[Logan, Roman, & Thomas]: ♪ The only jelly I'll put in my belly! ♪

[Roman]: -riffing- ♪ CROFTER— ♪ Are we- are we done? We're done? Okay.

[Thomas]: So that's a yes, you like it?

[Roman]: Oh, uh, yeah. -sinks out-

[Thomas]: Oh, good! Logan, how ‘bout—

[Logan]: -suction sound- -completely annihilated the jelly- Yes, it is adequate. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some very important private biscuits... I mean, business to attend to. -sinks out-

[Thomas]: Fantastic. -to viewers- And yes, it is official. We are actually selling these... Logan's Berry jellies. Of course, this is our way to announce this. We have an actual official jelly that we're selling and never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be here on this day... -laughs- saying that. I've never been much of a jelly lover growing up. And, uh, this is actually so good. It tastes awesome! I'm so honored. Thank you to Crofter's for partnering with us! This is amazing, and, uh, you can get yours at shopthomassanders.com. I can't believe this. Enjoy! And until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and non-binary pals. PEACE OUT!

*end card*

[Roman]: Wow, this video was jam-packed with jelly puns.

[Thomas]: Yeah, even Logan made a few! It was honestly kind of jarring.

[Logan]: Crofter's brings out something different in me. Puns are like my figurative forbidden fruit... spread.

[Thomas]: Okay, there you go. He's still doing it.

[Roman]: I don't mean to jelly-fish for compliments, but I made a few good ones myself!

[Thomas]: Mee-sa love jelly puns!

[Logan]: Was that Spongeboob Squaretrousers?

[Thomas]: No, that was my... JAR JAR BINKS IMPRESSION!

[Virgil]: -pops up- I heard through the Concord Grapevine that you guys were making puns.

[Logan, Roman, & Thomas]: Virgil!

[Virgil]: Yeah, Patton paid me a dollar to say that.

[Logan]: Wait, Patton knows about—

[Patton]: -pops up- -laughing- All those puns, Logan? Berry clever of you! I love it.

[Logan]: No!

[Thomas]: Patton caught you with your hand in the jelly jar! ...Instead of the cookie jar?

[Logan]: Well, my efforts to be taken seriously are all now fruitless.

[Patton, Roman, Thomas, & Virgil]: Good one!

[Logan]: No, I didn’t mean—

[Roman]: Patton catching Logan punning was just the Morello Cherry on top! -picture of said flavor pops up- -chuckles- -seriously- We couldn't find that one in the stores.

[Logan]: -sighs- Crofter's! You're the only one who understands me.


Transcriptsv · d · e
Season 1 My True Identity! · WAY TOO ADULT · Taking on ANXIETY with Lilly Singh!! · A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!! · The Dark Side of Disney! · I'M IN A DISNEY SHOW!! · The MIND vs. The HEART! · Alone on VALENTINE'S DAY! · Losing My Motivation · Sanders Sides Q&A · AM I ORIGINAL? · My NEGATIVE Thinking · Growing Up · Making Some Changes! · Becoming a CARTOON! feat. Butch Hartman! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 1/2: Excepting Anxiety! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?
Season 2 Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!) · MOVING ON, Part 1/2: Exploring Nostalgia · MOVING ON, Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup · The Sanders Sides 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! · Can LYING Be Good?? · Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · Crofters - THE MUSICAL! Learning New Things About Ourselves · EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas! · Selfishness v. Selflessness · Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS · Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux
Sanders Asides Are There Healthy Distractions? · Flirting with Social Anxiety · Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts
Extras BLOOPER REEL! · Sanders Sides - BEHIND THE SCENES Q&A! · BLOOPER REEL!! The Bloop Strikes Back! · Behind the Scenes Featurette: Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · 5 Sanders Sides Behind the Scenes Facts (Learning New Things About Ourselves)
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