Sanders Sides Wiki

[Thomas]: How much do I enjoy visual puns? Well, you wouldn't be-LEAF it! -crowd cheers- Thank you. Thank you so— -flower is thrown- Oh, thank you. Thank you so— -trophy is given- Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! -underwear is thrown- Oh. Thank you. Thank you so much...


[Thomas]: What is up, everybody?! Oh man, so I just recently celebrated my BIRTHDAY! One more year older! Putting a stamp on another year of doing... whatever the heck I'm doing, I don't know. And how does it feel?

[Morality]: -pops up- AMAZING!

[Thomas]: That's right, Morality!

[Roman]: -pops up- Uhhh...

[Logan]: -pops up- Uhhh...

[Anxiety]: -pops up- Ummm...

[Thomas]: Ugh, come on you guys, WHAT? Can I get through one video without having some sort of... dilemma?

[Anxiety]: I'm not alone on this one? Nice.

[Thomas]: So thrilled to see you, Anxiety, working together with my logical side and my fanciful side. This is... really heartwarming.

[Morality]: It is! But I'm also confused!

[Anxiety]: Another year older, and yeah, you're here, but is "here" where you need to be?

[Logan]: Well, I don't think that's the dilemma. This is indeed his apartment.

[Anxiety]: I mean... Like, is he satisfied with where he is at this point in his life.

[Logan]: Ah, yes. That's where I was coming from.

[Roman]: I don't like it, but I too have to agree with Surly Temple here.

[Anxiety]: How many of those you got?

[Roman]: Thomas, there is so much that you have dreamed of doing. Are we there yet? Nay.

[Morality]: Moo! Animal noises. Go!

[Logan]: Baaa— Wait, this is not the time for word association games!

[Thomas]: Okay. Well, yeah. There's still lots I have to accomplish.

[Logan]: Oh, lots indeed. There's your dreams, sure. But, there's also business responsibilities, social commitments, personal health responsibilities, groceries, hygiene...

[Thomas]: I get it.

[Logan]: Oh, those are just the categories. We haven't even gotten into specifics yet.

[Thomas]: Okay. Well, I'm... I-I still have time for all that.

[Roman]: -tsks-

[Anxiety]: -scoffs-

[Thomas]: ...Right?

[Morality]: You sure do.

[Anxiety]: I don't know. Do you? Ah, that's what a birthday brings, sadly enough. The awareness of the passage of time. How far you've actually come. How little time you have left. I mean, who knows? Any day could be your last...

[Thomas]: Uhhhh...

[Morality]: Stop! Stop. Now, I know we tend to overthink a couple things.

[Logan]: A couple?

[Morality]: But a birthday is... a birthday! Getting older should be celebrated!

[Thomas]: I don't know, Morality. Maybe they're right? I mean, we've kinda had this talk before, but with getting older, I feel more and more... out of place.

[Morality]: What do you mean by that, kiddo?

[Thomas]: I don't know. I'm just... Am I really doing what I should be doing?

[Morality]: Aw, well, look who needs another lesson in adultery!

[Thomas]: Ok, for the last time, THAT IS NOT RIGHT.

[Morality]: I'm sorry. Look WHOM needs another lesson in adultery.

[Thomas]: Somehow worse.

[Roman]: Now Thomas, you know I believe in you... But I get a little bit restless when I think about all the adventures yet to come. When comparing yourself to your friends and what they've accomplished, how do you stack up?

[Morality]: Like pancakes, a grand slam!

[Anxiety]: Like pancakes, you fall flat.

[Thomas]: Don't you dare turn breakfast food into a negative metaphor.

[Logan]: Some of your friends are getting married, some are pursuing higher education, and some are getting serious jobs, all for the betterment of their futures.

[Thomas]: Yeah...

[Anxiety]: So... What are YOU doing?

[Thomas]: I-I...

[Morality]: ANYTHING he darn well pleases! Look, everyone, Thomas and I have already had the talk on learning new things to be more responsible, and he's doing that! Getting older is not a bad thing! Independence is a celebration! It's got "dance" right in the word.

[Logan]: N-No it doesn't.

[Morality]: I mean, think of it.

*start montage*

[Morality]: You no longer have any schoolteachers to tell you what to do.

[Logan]: Was this really a necessary visual? -fades away-

[Morality]: Which means..

*new scene*

[Morality]: YOU choose what you want to read and what to learn!

*new scene*


[Morality]: You and your friends can be as loud as you want without getting in trouble.

[Thomas]: So yeah, that's probably what I would sound like if I was giving birth.

*new scene*

[Morality]: You always have the perfect group for group projects!

[Thomas]: We've finally done it... -zooms out- VOLTRON SHIRT! AWAY— -hits Joan- Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!

[Joan]: Drop it, it's fine.

[Thomas]: Ok. Let's go!

*music stops; abrupt ripping noise*

*new scene*

[Morality]: You're lucky enough to be able to work whenever you wanna work! And when you don't feel like working, you can stay up until 3 am rewatching Parks & Recreation.

[Thomas]: -dopey laughter-

*end montage*

[Roman]: ...What were those scenarios?

[Thomas]: They were all real events, in my life. Except the 3 am one. I usually stay up much later.

[Morality]: Well, yeah...

[Logan]: He cannot stay up until 3 am, or however late.

[Thomas]: It's like 5 am.

[Logan]: Oh my...

[Roman]: -gasps- Great Odin's eyepatch!

[Morality]: Uh...

[Anxiety]: 5 am. The witching hour.

[Logan]: I could be wrong, but I believe that's midnight.

[Anxiety]: 5 am. The devil's hour.

[Logan]: Now I'm pretty sure that's 3 am.

[Anxiety]: Well, then it's just 5 am and you need to go to bed.

[Logan]: Exactly! He can't stay up rewatching Parks & Recreation every time he doesn't feel like working.

[Morality]: Why is that, Mr. Gloomy Gus Teacher?

[Logan]: Because...! Mmm! ...He'll never get anything done.

[Anxiety]: Unless you want me to keep coming around to remind you of all the things you fail to do, in which case, keep it up.

[Thomas]: Mmm...

[Morality]: He will do whatever he has to do at his own pace, and he can spend his downtime however he wants.

*start another montage*

[Morality]: -offscreen- Adults get to make decisions independent of their parents, which means...

[Morality]: See, Logic? I'm doing it too! -fades away-

*new scene*

[Morality]: You can eat whatever you want...

*new scene*

[Morality]: You wear whatever you like...

*new scene*

[Morality]: You're free to make fun, ill-advised decisions...

[Thomas]: I need you to hit me with your car for a video.

[Joan]: I've dreamed of this moment.

[Thomas]: You have?

[Joan]: Uh, no, let's go!

[Thomas]: Alright.

*new scene*

[Morality]: You do chores whenever you feel like it...

*new scene*

[Morality]: Play video games until your eyes are sore... AND no curfew! You can stay up until 3 am rewatching Parks & Recreation.

*end montage*

[Morality]: Oh, and if you ever need help from your parents, they're just a phone call away.

[Roman]: Did you ever wash that shirt? You're wearing it right now.

[Thomas]: I did not.

[Roman]: Ewwww!

[Anxiety]: Dude.

[Thomas]: Why did you have to show everyone that?

[Morality]: -shrugs- Eh.

[Logan]: That settles it. Morality, you are the issue here.

[Morality]: Oh, Logan. I love this playful teasing back and forth that we do!

[Logan]: No, I'm serious right now. And always have been. And forever will be. NECKTIE!

[Roman]: You are holding Thomas back!

[Anxiety]: His heart's just not in the right place.

[Logan]: Again, that is not the issue. Anatomically, Thomas is fine.

[Anxiety]: Why do you only take whatever I say literally?

[Roman]: I am always a proponent of following one's heart, BUT if it is not helping on the quest to fulfill one's longing, then what is the gosh-darn-ding-dang point?

[Morality]: Well...

[Logan]: Figures like parents or teachers were there to keep you accountable for your actions, Thomas, and without them, you lack the accountability system necessary to stay on track.

[Thomas]: Yeah... You're right.

[Morality]: But, kiddo...

[Thomas]: That's just it! I am not a "kiddo" anymore! It's time I start acting like it.

[Morality]: I'm sorry, does... "adulto" work?

[Thomas]: How about "Mr. Sanders"?

[Logan]: I like it, very professional.

[Thomas]: Yes. Yes, it is.

[Morality]: But that's not fun...

[Roman]: Well, let's face it, Morality. Things can't always be fun if we're trying to get where we want to go. We need actual contributions from you every now and then.

[Logan]: You stand there making your puns and are just needlessly silly. All the time.

[Roman]: Perhaps it's best you just stick to knowing the difference between right and wrong, and leaving the rest to us.

[Thomas]: Now, what else should I do to properly grow up?

[Logan]: Well, let's re-examine your habits and see where we can make some improvements.

*start yet another montage*

[Logan]: You can't stay up until 3 or 5 am every night. Your current sleep schedule is unhealthy. You should be in bed at precisely 10 pm.

*new scene*

[Roman]: You need to eat healthy in order to maintain beauty! And to, you know, be healthy. That's important too. No sweets or guilty pleasures. Only broccoli, brussels sprouts, carrots—

*cut back*

[Thomas]: Ca-uh, carrots?

[Roman]: YES, carrots. And beef, pork, chicken, mmm...

[Anxiety]: No Mulan lyrics right now, man. Come on.

[Roman]: So be it. -drum beat plays- Greens, greens, nothing but greens...

[Anxiety]: Into the Woods is not better!

*new scene*

[Logan]: You can read whatever you want. But you don't. So, maybe start looking into reading for entertainment instead of what you normally do. In fact, let's just cut out Parks & Recreation altogether.

*cut back*

[Morality]: Ahh...!

[Logan]: He's already seen it.

*new scene*

[Roman]: You need to do chores as soon as you are able to. That means wash your filthy shirt, you heathen!

*new scene*

[Logan]: While a decision can be fun, it can also be... stupid, and should thus be avoided.

[Joan]: Hey, Darude Sanderstorm! There's a bouncy castle out back! You wanna come? It's pretty lit.

[Thomas]: No, I would not like to bounce in a bouncy castle. I could trip and injure myself.

[Joan]: Hm, a fair point. Your logical decision making truly is a positive influence on your companions.

[Thomas]: Let us instead start a book club.

[Joan]: Yes!

*end montage*

[Anxiety]: Wow. Who's the fanciful one here?

[Logan]: It's Roman.

[Anxiety]: OK, Pocket Protector.

[Logan]: And you don't need to call your parents, ever.

[Morality]: WHAT?!

[Roman]: You are an adult! You can manage everything yourself!

[Anxiety]: They never understood you anyway.

[Morality]: Okay, this is getting a little bit... extreme.

[Logan]: Sure, some of these scenarios may not be verisimilitudinous, but...

[Thomas]: Try again.

[Logan]: Sure, some of these scenarios may not seem realistic, but in time, with effort, it can become a reality.

[Roman]: And it will make dream-chasing all the more possible!

[Logan]: Of course, you can't just wear anything you want.

[Thomas]: This smelly shirt's not cutting it?

[Roman]: No.

[Anxiety]: You need all dark clothing...

[Logan]: No... You're a serious adult, and you need to dress like one. You'll wear a belt, tuck your shirt in, and you'll wear... a necktie.

[Morality]: -gasps- Not the necktie!

*Thomas gets changed montage; dramatic music plays*

*music stops abruptly*

[Thomas]: Good?

[Morality]: Noooo!

[Roman]: I'm not sure if this outfit fits you.

[Thomas]: Wha- is the shirt too tight?

[Roman]: No, too square.

[Thomas]: Okay.

[Anxiety]: You are the man.

[Thomas]: Oh, well, that's kind of you, Anxiety.

[Anxiety]: No, you look like The Man. I fight The Man. I wanna fight you now.

[Thomas]: Whoa, whoa...

[Logan]: This... This is just my look. You stole my look.

[Thomas]: What are you-?! You TOLD me to dress this way!

[Logan]: Well, I didn't think we would look so similar. Plus, I wear it so much better than you, objectively.

[Thomas]: What are you talking about? We have the same face!

[Logan]: Ah, but you aren't peering through a -dabs- styling pair of Warby Parkers.

[Morality]: Thomas, you... don't look like yourself.

[Thomas]: That's "Mr. Sanders", and this is who I am now.

[Anxiety]: Is no one going to acknowledge that he just dabbed?

[Morality]: But you're giving up all the things that you love!

[Thomas]: I can't keep going moment to moment doing whatever I want, because I'm not getting what I want long term. Nobody wants to work... But we have to. Doing exactly what I want all the time, i-it's leading to a very unproductive lifestyle.

[Morality]: But...

[Thomas]: I'm doing this for both of us! This is the only way to achieve my goals. Once I have everything I want... then we'll both be happy.

[Logan]: That's right— Wait, what do you mean? Is this new lifestyle not filling you with enjoyment?

[Thomas]: No, but it will. Eventually. Hopefully...

[Logan]: I... I don't... think we have this... quite right. Morality? What are we doing... wrong?

[Morality]: Well... I do think you're trying to do what's right... But life shouldn't be lived without enjoying the simple pleasures from time to time! Goals are great, but life is short! Might as well make it short and fantastic! Like Danny DeVito...

[Thomas]: Wait a minute... Yeah. If I'm not happy doing what I'm doing, is it worth it?

[Roman]: If you're not enjoying it, it would be very hard for me to gain inspiration and do my job.

[Anxiety]: It would give me more work to do, and I do not like to work hard.

[Thomas]: I can't sacrifice everything you bring to the table! The things that I love, the things that make me feel good, the things that make me laugh, the things that make life worth it! Just to work towards.. something, I don't even know what. To try to fit in with what I think others are doing at my age...

[Logan]: I do... believe that you are right. But now we're back where we started!

[Thomas]: Not necessarily. I can't go moment to moment listening to everything you want me to do. I really do need a more consistent schedule in order to stay healthy and productive. BUT I will always make time for the things that I enjoy, and any time I'm feeling overwhelmed, or just need a break, I know who to turn to.

[Morality]: Danny DeVito.

[Thomas]: Well, you're not wrong about that, but I meant you.

[Morality]: -gasps- Awwww!

[Thomas]: So, OFF with this tie!

[Logan]: Careful with it, careful!

[Thomas]: And come to think of it, we need to keep in mind how much Morality contributes? He's the reason I started making videos in the first place, and see what dreams were accomplished from that?

[Roman]: That is... Wow. I am ashamed of myself!

[Logan]: I do not like being wrong.

[Anxiety]: I was gonna bring that up, but it would have been too much work.

[Morality]: Well, sometimes I lead you in the right direction. Oh! Mr. Sanders?

[Thomas]: We're back to Thomas. That name was never gonna stick.

[Morality]: Thomas! I do think I have something in mind to help keep the balance between productive and fun. Something that makes you feel a little bit more mature, but still keeping the spirit of your inner child alive.

[Thomas]: Love it, love it!

[Morality]: This is your apartment, your personal space, and the place where you just like to have your downtime. Well, how about you construct a cozy little Mind Palace to help you regain balance, work things out, and get things done whenever you need to?

[Thomas]: That... could work.

[Morality]: Roman, you mind lending a hand?

[Roman]: I like where you're going with this! Mind Palace! ♪ Ho~! ♪

*everyone gets transported to a blank white area*

[Thomas]: Whoa.

[Logan]: It's a little too, um, basic.

[Morality]: Yeah.

[Anxiety]: My eyes!

[Roman]: Sorry, I seem to have drawn a blank for a second. Let me try again.

*everyone gets transported to a more stylized area*

[Thomas]: That's better.

[Roman]: Ah, perfection! I am too good.

[Logan]: This... is... adequate.

[Morality]: Yeah, we each got our own little handy nooks! Even made one for you, Anxiety.

[Anxiety]: Thanks for noticing me.

[Thomas]: Morality, amazing idea! I love this.

[Roman]: Um, excuse me, I did the hard labor.

[Thomas]: Oh, you're right. Thank you.

[Roman]: But also, yes. Good work, Morality.

[Anxiety]: Small, dark and empty, like the cavity where my heart would be, if I had one.

[Logan]: Yes, I suppose you did provide a suitable upgrade from our previous setting.

[Morality]: Now we're in the perfect space to work out our issues! So, let's hear it! Who wants to go first?

[Roman]: I think we got it all figured out. -sinks out-

[Logan]: Yeah, I'm done. -sinks out-

[Anxiety]: Happy birthday. -sinks out-

[Thomas]: Oh, thank you.

[Morality]: Uh, okay, alright, cool, see you guys later. -starts to sink out-

[Thomas]: Uh, before you go, I do want to let you know how grateful I am that no matter how old I've gotten, you've still been such a huge part of my life, Morality.

[Morality]: D'awwww, you're gonna make me all emotional! I'm glad we could come to a compromise. Like adults! How about a good old game of Patton-cake to celebrate?

[Thomas]: ...You mean patty cake.

[Morality]: Well, it's like patty cake, but this version is NAMED after me.

[Thomas]: Oh my gosh! Your name is Patton-cake!

[Morality]: Y- No, it's just Patton.

[Thomas]: Oh yeah, that makes more sense. Wow!

[Patton]: Tell you what, you let that sink in, and I will sink out... to get the tuna fish. It's required for Patton-cake. -sinks out-

[Thomas]: Oh. Okay. -to viewers- Well, as I stand here scared for what that's going to be like, let me just close by saying growing older is something you should never be scared of. It will bring new responsibilities, but those responsibilities don't necessarily mean sacrificing the things that have always brought a smile to your face. Don't abandon that inner child. Pursue the things you're passionate about because, by doing so, you may be growing older, but you don't have to completely grow up. Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and non-binary pals. PEACE OUT!

*new scene*

[Thomas]: Before we go to the end card, I want to note that recently, I was given the honor of receiving the Shorty Award for Best YouTube Comedian. And I want to thank all of you out there for... just your continual support and all who voted for me. I'm just blown away and overwhelmed by all the support. It just... It really encourages me to keep going with these videos, and, uh, I'm having fun with them, and I just... I can't wait to see what comes next, so thank you all so much, I love you. Yeah, and I just hope that I can keep making you smile!

*end card*

[Patton]: -pops up- Okay, I got the tuna fish! Logan, you have the two tennis rackets?

[Logan]: Yes, for some reason...?

[Patton]: And Roman, you've dipped all your fingers in candle wax?

[Roman]: Yes, it was very hot!

[Patton]: And Anxiety, you—

[Anxiety]: No, I didn't. Whatever you asked me to do, I didn't do it.

[Patton]: —are standing there sulking in a corner, yes! Look at what a good job he's doing, everyone! Alright, we're all set! Now, get ready! Because on this ride, you will get wet.

[Logan]: What?!


Transcriptsv · d · e
Season 1 My True Identity! · WAY TOO ADULT · Taking on ANXIETY with Lilly Singh!! · A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!! · The Dark Side of Disney! · I'M IN A DISNEY SHOW!! · The MIND vs. The HEART! · Alone on VALENTINE'S DAY! · Losing My Motivation · Sanders Sides Q&A · AM I ORIGINAL? · My NEGATIVE Thinking · Growing Up · Making Some Changes! · Becoming a CARTOON! feat. Butch Hartman! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 1/2: Excepting Anxiety! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?
Season 2 Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!) · MOVING ON, Part 1/2: Exploring Nostalgia · MOVING ON, Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup · The Sanders Sides 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! · Can LYING Be Good?? · Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · Crofters - THE MUSICAL! Learning New Things About Ourselves · EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas! · Selfishness v. Selflessness · Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS · Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux
Sanders Asides Are There Healthy Distractions? · Flirting with Social Anxiety · Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts
Extras BLOOPER REEL! · Sanders Sides - BEHIND THE SCENES Q&A! · BLOOPER REEL!! The Bloop Strikes Back! · Behind the Scenes Featurette: Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · 5 Sanders Sides Behind the Scenes Facts (Learning New Things About Ourselves)