Sanders Sides Wiki

[Thomas]: This is the part of the video where I usually lead off with some sort of silly, out of context joke, but y'know by now you already know the drill. -sighs- -drill whirring- His name's Bill.


[Thomas]: What is up, everybody?! Oh, that wasn't good... I'll tell you what's up with me, I feel like a raging dumpster fire. I- you know- I, I want to really get going and deliver this video with the same pep and bounce that I usually do, but I don't know, I mean, like... When you're feeling sad, you're feeling sad.

[Virgil]: -pops up- I'll take Redundant Statements for 400… Wait. Am I the first one to show up? That's not good.

[Thomas]: Yeah, Virgil I'm not, uh, not feeling that great today.

[Virgil]: No?

[Thomas]: Yeah.

[Virgil]: Yes, you— wait, n- Yes, meaning no or yes meaning you're feeling good?

[Thomas]: No, no, no, yes as in I agree with the first statement.

[Virgil]: My first statement was about your redundant statement.

[Thomas]: Not that first statement.

[Virgil]: You can only have one first statement, Thomas.

[Thomas]: Alright, starting over, I feel bad.

[Virgil]: ...Okay?

[Thomas]: Is that okay?

[Virgil]: I mean, yeah, it's just, nothing's coming up. You're ahead of schedule. You got no complaints from me.

[Thomas]: That's nice.

[Virgil]: Never mind, I do have a complaint. You're behaving strangely.

[Thomas]: Oh, well.

[Virgil]: Ok, I guess I'm going to have to kick in here for a sec. Thomas! You're wasting time on this YouTube video so you better start getting into your dilemma and stop putting it off for later!

[Thomas]: Ugh. I've just been... thinking.

[Virgil]: Thinking? About what?

[Thomas]: Eh. Guys...

[Virgil]: What else is new?

[Thomas]: ...and Dolls.

[Virgil]: Oh sh*t! I thought we were done with this. Uh, can everyone else get in here, please? I am not equipped for this.

[Logan]: -pops up- -sighs-

[Virgil]: I didn't realize that "everyone" meant only one.

[Logan]: Patton and Roman are preoccupied.

[Virgil]: Ah. Helpful. Thomas? Care to explain?

[Thomas]: Hugghh! I've been thinking about Guys and Dolls.

[Logan]: Yes. I'm well aware. Thomas, it is time to move on. I feel like I'm... heh, listen to me, "feel like..." I feel like I'm... nearly out of productive things to say on the matter. I'm just frustrated.

[Patton]: -pops up- Hi, Just Frustrated, I'm Sad. I mean...

[Logan]: Patton? Are you... ...still wearing that cat onesie? From the previous video?

[Patton]: Aw, I literally put it back on just meow.

[Logan]: Well. That's just perfect.

[Patton]: Purr-fect?

[Logan]: You KNOW that's not what I meant. We already have one situation we have to deal with, and I told you that's not a practical garment.

[Patton]: You can try to knock me down, Logan, but I will always land on my feet... like a cat!!

[Roman]: -pops up- I've got it! Thomas, you write down all of your thoughts and feelings in an eloquent letter and deliver it to him in a basket full of his favorite things.

[Thomas]: Maybe...

[Virgil]: WHOA, whoa, whoa... what?!

[Logan]: He's been brainstorming all day and he has yet to come up with one productive, non-creepy idea.

[Roman]: I'm not creepy, I'm joking, alright? Uh... You just don't understand love.

[Logan]: I understand that it's making you act pathetic.

[Patton]: Somebody say, "cat aesthetic"?

[Logan]: Take it off.

[Patton]: Oh, that old cardigan just weighs me down!

[Logan]: That's patently absurd, surely the onesie is heavier.

[Patton]: Woulda been funnier if you had said "Patton"ly.

[Virgil]: Can we all just focus on the issue with Thomas? Ugh... I can't believe I'm the one corralling you guys.

[Logan]: Indeed. Uh, the situation we all seem to be aware of by now is that Thomas is once again thinking about Guys—

[Patton]: Well, yeah!

[Roman]: What else is new?

[Logan]: —and Dolls. Guys and Dolls. The musical.

Thomas]: -whimpers-

[Patton]: Oh wow...

[Roman]: Ah. That too.

[Patton]: Uh, what about it though? I mean, it's a fine show, but uh... aren't there more important to talk about? Or, better shows!

Thomas]: -still whimpering-

[Patton]: There's a Harry Potter play. There's a Harry Potter play... We just did H- Harry Potter...! You wanna talk about Harry Potter play?

[Logan]: Patton, you know full well what it means when Thomas is thinking about Guys and Dolls.

[Patton]: I don't know what it means. Sue me!

[Thomas]: -laughing/crying- Ohh, I get it, that's a song from Guys and Dolls. Ahh...

[Patton]: Believe me, Logan, if anything serious is ever eating at Thomas, I'll know.

[Thomas]: There's another one, you're on a roll... -cries-

[Roman]: Why don't we just call him? You know? We can call him right now.

[Virgil]: Stop.

[Roman]: A text then.

[Logan]: Roman, sit down, you're rocking the boat.

[Thomas]: Oh!... My God... You're- You too...

[Logan]: The dominoes were all set up, I had no choice but to topple them.

[Patton]: Logan, that joke was just the cherry on topple... I am so sorry.

[Logan]: Wow...

[Roman]: Bad...

[Patton]: Not my best! It wasn't my best.

[Virgil]: I'm seriously so tired of being the taskmaster here today. Can we...?

[Logan]: Right. Thomas, why are you still feeling so dejected over something that transpired months ago?

[Thomas]: I'm sorry, guys. I... I really am, it's just... When you've been in a relationship as long as I was, it's hard to let go of those feelings. I don't know why, but it is not a problem that is so simple that it can be solved by standing here talking with you.

[Roman]: Well maybe we don't have to let go of those feelings. There must be some sort of way to recapture the past.

[Virgil]: You have any chill?

[Logan]: Actually... Roman may be on to something.

[Virgil]: He is?

[Roman]: I am? I am!

[Logan]: Well, in a way. I don't mean resurrecting a long-dead relationship, so to speak.

[Roman]: Eh- so, you're not talking about rekindling the fire with our former flame?

[Logan]: I am definitely not talking about that. What do I look like, a Boy Scout Scoutmaster? I'm speaking in reference to what once was. A bittersweet longing for the past can yield positive results.

[Thomas]: I mean... -sighs- I can say the only way that I'm making myself feel better, is by remembering the good times.

[Logan]: A 2013 study authored by Wing-Yee Cheung, Erica G. Hepper and four of their colleagues found that not only can nostalgia make one feel better in the moment, it also has the potential for making them feel more optimistic about the future.

[Roman]: And what better way to bring people together than by relating to one another's nostalgic memories? Say, that's a good idea for bringing together you and—

[Virgil]: Don't.

[Roman]:'s called a JOKE... Dude... Have you ever heard of it? I mean…

[Thomas]: In what way would it do that, Logan?

[Logan]: You can let your past, motivate your present. There were good times, you accomplished much, you won medals—

[Roman]: Won HEARTS!

[Logan]: Let those positive checkpoints inspire you to keep going for more.

[Patton]: But what if looking at the past makes him feel kinda iffy about the, uh, present?

[Virgil]: Yeah, do you really think it's a good idea for him to be soaking in a big old tub of the past?

[Logan]: Well, granted, there have been many different views on the concept of nostalgia. As recently as the 80s, a psychoanalytic theorist described extreme nostalgia as debilitating, but since then a great deal of research has contradicted this. It's perfectly normal for humans to nostalgize. They do it at least once a week.

[Thomas]: Oh yeah. I remember my grandma used to pull out this old scrapbook each weekend and—

[Logan]: You see? Even now he is feeling nostalgic about an instance in which he felt nostalgic. Incredible.

[Roman]: Say what about a scrapbook filled with all the good times with—

[Virgil]: No!

[Roman]: Look up the word JOKE in the dictionary, Jack Smellington!

[Logan]: From what I can gather, Thomas is already experiencing that bittersweet longing for the past. I say, that instead of fighting him on this and creating a more distressing headspace in the process, we allow him to indulge in those memories. Perhaps that will help him to understand that circumstances can improve.

[Roman]: Can and will?

[Logan]: Can. Let's not jump the gun here.

[Patton & Virgil]: Can they?

[Logan]: Of course, they can. If you've previously experienced stretches of time during which you've felt fulfillment and happiness, then the idea that you could experience something similar in the future is not inconceivable. It's happened in the past, therefore, it's decidedly not impossible.

[Virgil]: I'll be the first to admit this isn't the resolution I'd like us to settle on, but... I don't have much else to add. Whatever can work. There definitely seems to be room for improvement.

[Thomas]: ROOM!

[Virgil]: GAH! Would you, like, WARN me before one of your little... out of context epiphanies?

[Thomas]: Patton?

[Patton]: Yeah? Whoa—

[Thomas]: I'm sorry I got excited. I know that Virgil's room is where I have to go in order to heighten my anxiety. I gotta think that your room is literally sunshine and rainbows.

[Patton]: Wha... -laughs nervously- I— -laughs- It's- It's not quite like that, uh...

[Thomas]: Still, you're at the core of a lot of my happy feelings.

[Patton]: I'm at the core of a lot of your feelings.

[Thomas]: Maybe going there and enhancing those happy feelings is what I need.

[Roman]: Honestly, that does make sense. You should see it, Patton holds onto everything in the past that you've cherished. I mean, it is PEAK proud papa.

[Thomas]: Perfect!

[Virgil]: Pardon?

[Patton]: Patton! -giggles- I'm just— thought I would hop aboard at the alliteration station.

[Thomas]: -laughs-

[Patton]: But seriously, my room is kind of a mess, I dunno if this is a good idea.

[Logan]: Patton, don't you want to help Thomas move on?

[Patton]: Well, yeah. Of course. I would love that, but I...

[Logan]: Good. Then it's decided.

[Patton]: Uh, okay.

[Virgil]: Uh...

[Roman]: Another Feel Trip!

[Thomas]: Great. Let's...

[Roman]: Wait, uh. Did you, did you see what I did there? Did you see? I made it sound like I said "field" trip, but I said "feel" trip. -emphasizing- Feel trip.

[Thomas]: Yup it was, it was a good one... Very Romano-cheesy.

[Roman]: Romano! Okay well... Here's to hoping that nickname doesn't last!

[Virgil]: Please, Romano. Thomas, are you sure...

[Thomas]: To Patton's room! Thinking of happy thoughts.

[Patton]: Here we go... -sinks out-

[Roman]: Luck be a lady tonight! -sinks out-

[Logan]: Enough with the Guys and Dolls. -sinks out-

[Virgil]: I've got a bad feeling about this.

[Thomas]: I've got a bad feeling about everything. -pause- That's why we're doing this. -sinks out-

[Virgil]: Mm... okay. -sinks out-

*new scene; Patton's room*

[Thomas]: Whoa. I immediately have less bad feelings! Wait a minute... This is nostalgia nirvana in here!

*quick walkthrough of Patton's room*

[Thomas]: I am already feeling the sweet embrace of yesteryear.

[Patton]: -instantly in a better mood- -giggles- YEAH! Oh, I'm so glad to have y'all here! Oh! I don't know why I was hesitant about it before. Hold on! Gonna show ya around the ol' Patton Palace!

[Thomas]: -happily- Is that my glowworm?! Look at how creepy it looks! Oh, my goodness, look at all the memories you got stored in this place, Patton!

[Logan]: There seems to be a high concentration of items encompassing your education here, Thomas.

[Thomas]: Oh, ho ho ho man!

[Logan]: So many years of chemical engineering and science that you decided to flush down the metaphorical toilet.

[Thomas]: I forgot about everything I learned.

[Patton]: Ah, good times.

[Logan]: And hopefully more good times ahead. There's always time for you to abandon your current lifestyle and pursue a doctorate.

[Roman]: Sweet Barbra Streisand! The show memories! The performances! The attempts at dancing we think went okay but would prefer not to focus on.

[Thomas]: I can box step with the best of them though. -clears throat- -under his breath- Five, six, seven, eight.

[Roman]: No need to demonstrate.

[Virgil]: Oh, for crying out loud! Are these all your old journal entries and stories that you wrote in middle school? These are so cringy, why would they be here?

[Patton]: Because they're still Thomas' work and it's very fun to look back on. N-Now don't be embarrassed, Virgil.

[Virgil]: You really liked drawing Yin Yangs on the margins of your notes.

[Thomas]: That, and houses. A little box with a roof, and two windows, and a door.

[Logan]: Alright so we're here, now we can let the reminiscing take place, and get it out of the way. Who wants to start?

[Thomas]: Yeah, I think we already started, Logan.

[Logan]: Oh! Great. I don't know how this works.

[Patton]: Ey! Remember this? -clicks button on speaker-

*The Rainforest Rap starts playing*

[Thomas]: -soft gasp- Is that...

[Logan & Thomas]: The Rainforest Rap?!

[Roman]: Oh, my stars, it is!

[Patton]: -Yoda voice- Spitting bars it is! -stuttering- Y-Yoga? From Star Trek?

[Thomas]: -laughs- Alright, turn it off. We don't want a copyright strike.

[Patton]: Alright.

[Logan]: This... this is what inspired your interest in helping to preserve the rainforest. And then helping the environment... which in turn led to you pursuing chemical engineering in the first place!

[Thomas]: It seriously all stemmed from that simple little tune. What?!

[Roman]: Tropical rainforest? More like bop-ical rain forest. The song is a bop!

[Logan]: It stuck with you so much, I can still recall it to this day. Welcome to the Jungle.

[Logan & Roman]: It's so exciting! Exotic, mysterious, and we are inviting

[Logan, Roman, & Thomas]: YOU ON AN ADVENTURE!

[Virgil]: Stop. Please. Too much... Embarrassing.

[Thomas]: AH! Man, this takes me back!

[Patton]: Hey, you remember this?

[Thomas]: My little hard covered book! Yes! Oh, my goodness! Wait, I talked about my imagination, all the things I could do with it! The things I could create! Oh, my goodness, the memories! This is me electrifying my brother.

[Roman]: Ha, all the accolades you've racked up on the stage. The cheers, the laughs. Oh. Look! The first community theater award you ever received, a Golden Apple. Oh! You remember?

[Thomas]: Y- Oh, my goodness, yes. I- I won best actor for playing Ko-Ko in Hot Mikado!

[Virgil]: One of the first times you were awarded for acting weird.

[Thomas]: -dramatic voice- And more would follow.

[Logan]: And therefore, more faux, golden fruit may await you if you continue to pursue your nonsense art of leaping around in front of everybody shouting about things you've never experienced.

[Patton]: Ah - T- um... Eh T- uh, Thomas! I bet this might bring ya back.

[Thomas]: Er- sh! -thud- Okay. This is all very nice, but you guys gotta stop handing me things all at once, okay?

[Patton]: I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

[Thomas]: -sniffs- GAH! That is the smell of Christmas!

[Patton]: In a box!

[Thomas]: Yeah!

[Patton]: The tree, the cookies, the eggnog that your parents made you?

[Logan]: Ah. The- unhealthy.

[Thomas]: Oh! Those memories were so thrilling and so mysterious!

[Logan]: See, there is an annual event you have to look forward to.

[Thomas]: Yeah, but I mean like it's different now. I mean, uh, as an adult, it it's... I don't know. It's not the same as when you're a kid.

[Logan]: Well, that... may be the case, however—

[Virgil]: Old poems you wrote? Ugh. You were trying so hard to be edgy. I feel like I'm an archaeologist that dug up an ancient cringe compilation.

[Thomas]: Look, I had a lot on my mind growing up! Especially as a teenager!

[Virgil]: -chuckles- That you did. Constantly escaping into your mind to get away from real life, wondering when you were gonna start liking girls, creating these other worlds where things just made more sense.

[Roman]: Ah yes, those were hectic and busy times for me! Whoa, that's about the time that you upgraded from small nuisance to giant thorn in our side! -stammering- —uH, ER— uh, for real good reason!

[Virgil]: Yeah, it was a busy time for me too. I mean, the stakes were high. Thomas was really starting to develop as a person then.

[Thomas]: Oh yeah, that's right! Oh, that's funny... So I might not have had Roman create half as many as the stories and worlds as he did without Virgil giving me reason to. That's weird...

[Logan]: Well, fortunately, things make more sense now. Or, rather, will make more sense in the future. Right?

[Thomas]: I guess. -chuckles- I mean, that's the goal, right?

[Logan]: Developing a clearer perspective? Somewhat, yes. ...Is that not what's happening?

[Thomas]: ...I'm not sure what's happening.

[Patton]: I'LL show you what's hippity-happening! -holds up a Pound Puppy-

[Thomas]: Is that one of my Pound Puppies?! -Pound Puppy is thrown to him- AAAHHH!! Chocolate! His name is Chocolate! Oh!!!

[Roman]: Boy, times were amazing back then. Some might say way better. -off-key recorder squeak-

[Logan]: Wait—

[Patton]: It was just so sweet, and good, and pure, and happy, and wholesome, and sweet, and lovely, and I'm running out of things to say—

[Thomas]: Man, I miss all this...

[Roman]: Oh man, remember when our outfits used to look like this?! -holds up old outfit- Wow! So embarrassing!

[Patton]: Oh, feels like only yesterday...

[Virgil]: We changed in the last video.

[Thomas]: Patton, your room is awesome! Like, I don't know why you would want to leave it! Ever! Like, heck, I don't want to leave my room half the time...

[Logan]: What??

[Patton]: Welllllllllll... I... you know, I, uh...

[Logan]: Thomas, looking back at these euphoric memories sure does inspire hope for the future, does it not?

[Thomas]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. -finds an old cellphone- Look at this! I used to this was the coolest thing— It has buttons!

[Roman]: WHat?! Get. Out!

[Thomas]: I know!!

[Patton]: Well, I know you're gonna flip out at this! -opens flip phone-

[Thomas]: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

[Roman]: ♪ Hot... -off-tune squeak- crossed... -off-tune squeak- buns... -off-tune squeak- ♪

[Patton]: Yep, this place does have it all! -plays with a paddleball-

[Thomas]: Ah, it sure does! -finds a Hot Wheels car in a pencil case- Why is that even in there?!

[Logan]: But think of everything the future has in store!

[Virgil]: Mmm...!

[Logan]: ...Virgil? Are you okay?

[Thomas]: -finds old CD player- Oh, my goodness! I remember this too!

[Roman]: Oh my— the songs you used to put onto mixed CDs and play in the car. I mean, Disneymania much?

[Thomas]: I must have listened to P!nk's first album, like, a hundred times.

[Logan]: Ugh! Of course! Thomas?

[Thomas]: Uh-huh?

[Logan]: It might not have been the best idea for you to come here. Ugh, such a foolish oversight on my part. You are a habitual worrier.

[Roman]: Yes, I think that we established that quite a long time ago, Specs.

[Patton]: Oh, is that, uh, is that bad, for my room?

[Logan]: Well, I didn't think Thomas was too different from others, but Anxiety almost always has a seat at the table whenever he makes any decisions. So, I would say that he worries more than what would be considered the norm.

[Thomas]: Okay, but that still doesn't explain—

[Logan]: I know I told you that nostalgia can cause people to be more optimistic about their future. BUT! For habitual worriers, nostalgia can have an adverse effect on their overall mood. It can sometimes cause them to look at the past compared to the present period in their lives and cause them to ruminate even more on how their present situation "pales in comparison", however incorrect that outlook may be. Their Anxiety worsens.

[Thomas]: Virgil, that's not happening, right?

[Virgil]: -tempest tongue- No.

[Logan]: I'm going to take that as a yes. Come on. Let's go. It's time to end this experiment right—

[Roman]: Wait, wait, wait, we can't go now! We haven't even started reminiscing about all the Broadway shows that he's seen!

[Patton]: And all these old photos! Look at this!

[Thomas]: They're right! Logan, we can't leave now. There's still too much to look through!

[Logan]: -exasperated sigh- I don't understand this. What is the worth of memories if they don't spur you on to make new ones? I... I am familiar with this... whole ordeal's origin, but... it is in the past now Thomas. It makes no sense to...

[Thomas]: Logan, shh, it's... fine. It's fine.

[Logan]: But if you would only heed—

[Roman]: Oh hush, sub-astute teacher!

[Logan]: All of this because Patton can't let go of one person?

[Patton]: Logan, can you stop? Please?

[Logan]: You know what? Fine. If you don't want to listen to me, this is your issue to resolve. I am Outtie 50,000. -starts to sink out-

[Roman]: 5000?

[Logan]: -pops back up- -mocking voice- 5000. -sinks out-

[Roman]: Hey, do you guys remember the fifth season of Lost?

*To be continued guys, gals, and non-binary pals*

*end card*

[Patton]: Oh! Do you remember the one time we did a cliffhanger?

[Roman]: -chuckles- Yeah, that was two episodes ago.

[Virgil]: Wait, what did you guys do?

[Patton]: Oh, he wasn't here for it. Uh...

[Roman]: We left the video right at the dramatic climax. People were so confused and upset! Augh! It was wild, man.

[Virgil]: That sounds awful.

[Roman]: Good thing we're not gonna do that again! -laughs-

[Patton]: Especially if we were just doing it! -laughs-

[Roman]: That would just be stupid! -continues laughing-

[Virgil]: We're doing that right now, aren't we?

[Patton]: Uh-huh.

[Roman]: Yes.

Transcriptsv · d · e
Season 1 My True Identity! · WAY TOO ADULT · Taking on ANXIETY with Lilly Singh!! · A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!! · The Dark Side of Disney! · I'M IN A DISNEY SHOW!! · The MIND vs. The HEART! · Alone on VALENTINE'S DAY! · Losing My Motivation · Sanders Sides Q&A · AM I ORIGINAL? · My NEGATIVE Thinking · Growing Up · Making Some Changes! · Becoming a CARTOON! feat. Butch Hartman! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 1/2: Excepting Anxiety! · ACCEPTING ANXIETY, Part 2/2: Can Anxiety Be Good?
Season 2 Fitting In (Hogwarts Houses!) · MOVING ON, Part 1/2: Exploring Nostalgia · MOVING ON, Part 2/2: Dealing With a Breakup · The Sanders Sides 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! · Can LYING Be Good?? · Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · Crofters - THE MUSICAL! Learning New Things About Ourselves · EMBARRASSING PHASES: The Nightmare Instead of Christmas! · Selfishness v. Selflessness · Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS · Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux
Sanders Asides Are There Healthy Distractions? · Flirting with Social Anxiety · Working THROUGH Intrusive Thoughts
Extras BLOOPER REEL! · Sanders Sides - BEHIND THE SCENES Q&A! · BLOOPER REEL!! The Bloop Strikes Back! · Behind the Scenes Featurette: Why Do We Get Out of Bed in the Morning? · 5 Sanders Sides Behind the Scenes Facts (Learning New Things About Ourselves)